Vehicle Blog

RRL

2010-09-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

Le Mans Classic 2010

2010-08-06T09:28:00.001-07:00

CCCCar: 18

2010-05-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

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2010-05-22T01:32:00.000-07:00

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2010-05-20T03:27:00.000-07:00

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2010-05-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

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2010-05-14T02:55:00.001-07:00

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2010-05-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

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2010-05-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

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2010-05-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-30T01:20:00.001-07:00

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2010-04-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-28T15:23:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-20T08:47:00.001-07:00

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2010-04-19T13:47:00.001-07:00

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2010-04-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

CCCCar: 1

2010-04-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

I obv. haven't posted anything for tiiiiime but also I don't think that this blog should die. It would be devastating for the motor industry should the most influential and inspiring industry related blog distinguish and end up getting lost in the black hole where the unwatched and unspoken about websites on the internet go.

So the new plan is that I will turn this blog into a daily (not the weekends, give me a break) updated stream of motoring related pictures. It will be like the FFFFound or even JJJJound for cars, CCCCar.

So here's No.1, check back tomorrow.

My Stab at Vimeo Crown

2009-11-24T08:33:00.000-08:00

Here it is, this should increase my status of Blog legend to internet legend. The peeps over at Vimeo will love it, it's got shit loads of blur and stuff.

Check out the chase car action. I am not quite sure if the industry standard is to use a Mini with the boot open and a tripod lashed to the boot floor to get moving shots but it is bloody well good enough for me.

The Masters Race Series / Donington 09

2009-08-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

Little video I made last weekend at a Masters Race Series meeting at Donington. Sorry the editing is a bit shite but I was forced to use iMovie 08 and you would need to enjoy pain more than Max Mosley* to be able to even tolerate iMovie 08 for too long.

*I know it's old taking the piss out of Max Mosely but I didn't jump on the band wagon before and now everyone who has any sort of motoring related blog, column, TV show or even phone conversation has done it except me. Until now that is, it makes me feel part of the gang.

The Best Laid Plans...

2009-08-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

... o' mice an' men, Gang aft agley.

On my recent trip to Francais, and a little bit of Italy (a holiday isn't a holiday unless I go to Turin, I'll let you draw you own conclusions why), I had intended to create a masterpiece. What I was going to do was take loads of photos of the front of my car from the same angle in lots of different locations then make some sort of video slide show like those people do when they take a picture of themselves once a day for a year then miraculously get catapulted to the most played on YouTube. I wanted to be a YouTube star. It failed because I wasn't nearly dedicated enough and only took a handful of photos.

As is expected of me; I toured around some of the Automotive hot spots of France. I went to the old pit-stop at Reims, drove on some very winding roads through the Alps, Turin (not in France I know), Monaco (still not in France) and Le Mans. That meant I got to drive on 3 tracks (the road sections of the Circut de la Sarthe, the street circuit of Monaco and the straight of the no longer used road circuit west of Reims). Unfortunately I only went to one museum (Le Mans) this year and it really wasn't that great.

One of the problems with the museum (other than not having enough cars, let alone cars that had actually competed in the 24 hour race) was that up until the past couple of years the French haven't really, other than hosting the 24 heures du Mans, had much involment in the race. The French are very patriotic so when their drivers and cars don't win it seems like they don't care too much... well thats the impression I got from the museum. The French however have a company called Cibié who, from what I could gather from the over exuberant displays promoting the brand, have made the lights for every car ever to compete at Le Mans ever. I should have milked this for all it was worth seen as I have over 14 inches of Cibié up front on my own car, you never know I may not have had to have paid the extortionate fees* to get me in.

*It isn't actually that expensive but I had to pay for two tickets as I dragged along someone who didn't really want to go. This meant that I payed double and it really wasn't worth €16.

My Ha'pennies Worth

2009-06-16T02:14:00.000-07:00

I always start a new post with an apology and it is always for the same thing. I have neglected all my loyal readers and left you floundering in a pool of motoring uncertainty. Well lets hope this dose of, just as ever, concise, reasonable and down right fair prose will sort you out.

Just a little recap of things that have happened while I have been away. I got published. Well, when I say published what I actually mean is I sent a letter into Octane Magazine and it was printed. It wasn't some silly suck-up, a plea for advice or asking for oodles of free history about a car I just bought that would elsewhere cost an arm and a leg to get. No, I continued with my usual style and moaned. The level of my disdain was clearly recognised by the editor but they were unsure whether it was appropriate due to some of the content. I did channel all of my hatred on one particular person, TV chef and motoring ~~wanker~~ enthusiast James Martin. Here is a scan of the magazine with my letter in it.

It was not letter of the month and I did not win one of the nice Italian leather bags, this has upset me. Unsurprisingly the winning letter started something like this "I think your magazine is fantastic and I wanted to complement you on your massive..."

My BMW had a little mishap before christmas but its all back now and better than ever.

It is also starting to pay me back, half a penny at a time. I found this in the footwell at the weekend, its from 1971.

If you didn't know the government and the world seem to think we are in two major crises. An economical and environmental one. They might be right but they are after all the government so even if they are correct we should, because it is our duty to, ignore them. The motoring world has been hit hard by both so called crises: jobs are being cut, manufactures are going bust and the best our government can do is introduce a scrapping scheme. They had something similar in Germany and they had more than a few people from the father land who weren't quite fans. Cars over 10 years old can be traded in to get some deutschmarks off a new one. The old car has to, without question, be scrapped. They are aloud to be stripped for components parts however, but what is the point; who needs parts for cars that have all been scrapped. So there are warehouses in Germany full of redundant spare parts and the price of scrap metal has plummeted. Our wonderful government thought this was a brilliant idea. Who wouldn't? The most environmentally sound way of getting us out of these two hyped up crises is to just chuck out our old tat and get making some new cars. The new ones will be marginally more economical if a little harsh to the environment to make. How much do you think it cost Audi and the environment when they made an A4 in 1999? For it only to be used for 10 years (and easily doing 50mpg for all of those years) seems ludicrous doesn't it. Right, I could go on all day about how appalling this scheme is but, again, what is the point? This is what our non-elected leader thinks is best for us so we should just let him do what he likes. If he wants to invade Poland next let him do what he likes.

What might have been better and a little more environmentally sound (and you should do this if your car is over 10 years old, rather than trading it in so you can get 2 grand off that sack of shite Citroen C3 you always promised yourself, yeah right) is if your car goes wrong buy the parts to fix it from Germany, they've got shit loads at a cheap price.

Every cloud does have a silver lining. I was watching an episode of Scrap Heap Challenge the other day and I thought that their heap was looking a little sparse. Soon enough the heap will be littered with late 90s jewels that aren't quite worth the £2000 the dealer could offer.

Ex-sightings.

2008-10-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of spots.

A gaggle of Range Rovers, some guys with guns and I wasn't even scared for my life. Thats the countryside for you.

A very nice Capri, it was well Ray Doyle.

Coincidentally my out fit was pretty 45 too (wooly cardigan and check shirt), the guys in the Capri were tres impressed.

Waiter/Restaurant Manager/Motoring Journalist

2008-09-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

I work in the restaurant industry. I am a waiter, I sometimes like to call myself a restaurant manger but I am not really sure how true this is. I like the idea of owning my own restaurant but I don't want to be a waiter or even restaurant manger for the rest of my life. This is not because I think I am above the job it is just that I think I would prefer to be a Graphic Designer so my degree wouldn't be a bit of a waste. Then if that fails I think I would prefer the job of a truck driver/recovery guy, I am not sure really where waiter/restaurant manager/owner of a restaurant would come. Anyway, when I read a review of a bad restaurant by AA Gill in the Sunday Times' Style supplement it makes me think I can do so much better. I probably can't but this would still please me as I prefer Mr Gill when he is being scornful.

So what would my plans be for a restaurant of my own? (Should there really be a question mark there? (not there, I know there should be one there) I know I am asking a question but it is to myself.) Well the menu would consist of a medley of meats and very little vegetables. Cow, pig, sheep, deer, pigeon, partridge, pheasant, Gordon Ramsay would all be available dead, cooked and ready to eat. There are lots of other plans but the one most relevant to this blog is my valet service. I would chose a person with impeccable taste in cars (I may have to wait until someone can clone me) so that anyone who appears in a Porsche Ceyenne or Chrysler 300c will be ignored and told to (in a partronising police officer way) to "move on." They will then make way for guests in Land Rovers* and Lotus Carltons who will be greeted with open arms and impeccable manners.

If I couldn't be cloned then I would have to come up with a pretty concise list of acceptable cars. It would also have to include modifications to cars which knock them off the list or revive otherwise hideous cars and make them allowable. Or I could just do the job myself. Either way it brings my nicely to a question which I am asked regularly "What car should I buy?" (Just to clarify: I have been asked this question once but I read articles by motoring journalist that say that they are asked this question a lot and been as I like to think of myself as a bit of a motoring journalist I feel I should say it) What cars should I recommend? If I didn't recommend cars and people didn't know what to buy my fictional and completely imaginary restaurant would go the same way that my invention for a sweet flinging attachment to my quad went, down the shitter! With this possible disaster in mind I have come up with a list to aid you all in buying cars that will allow entry to a meal at my restaurant (I don't have a name... yet).

I have limited my list to only new cars, just so it isn't too huge. I have stuck to price brackets and have limited my suggestion to just one car per section. I have started with a minimum figure of £10,000 not because I am some sort of snob and think cars under £10,000 arent worth having. What I do think though is that you should buy second hand, you can get a much better car than a new one. For example: a second hand Mini is about the same price as a new Fiesta and after living (trying to, in the Fiesta's case) with both I can assure you the Mini is the better option.

£10,000 - £15,000

Fiat Panda 100hp

A Fiat 500 in far less flashy packaging, its quicker and the ride has been compromised because they fit harder racier suspension, ace!

£16,000 - £20,000

Renaultsport Clio 197

The spiritual successor to the Williams Renault Clio. I would go for the Cup version, its the stripped out version and because of that it is cheaper and so doesn't even fit into this price category.

£21,000 - £25,000

Land Rover Defender

For this kind of money I would go for my favourite of the range, the 110 Double Cab Pick-up. The added bonus of this is that you can avoid the SVX (Land Rovers misguided attempt to update the Defender, thank the lord it is "strictly limited edition.")

£25,000 - £35,000

Lotus Elise

I would go for the R model, the reviews said supercharged S model was a bit to... calm.

£36,000 - £45,000

Vauxhall VXR8

It was a toss up between this and the Jaguar XF, this won because you can't get the XF with the V8 unless you start encroaching into Range Rover money and its a bit too dull when compared to a Vauxhall. Well its not just any Vauxhall I suppose.

£46,000 - £60,000

Land Rover Range Rover

It has to be the TDV8, see my review.

£61,000 - £85,000

Aston Martin V8 Vantage

What else? And in Autocar's recent 0 to 100 back to 0 it was qucker than Aston's range topper the DBS by almost 3 seconds.

I have decided to stop there as I couldn't bare the responsibilty of influencing purchases with that kind of money involved, £85,000 though is just fine.

* I mean all cars that carry the Land Rover badge but Range Rover Sport.

2008-08-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

As per usual I am bulk blogging, I went to get some photos developed today so you have a couple of weeks of vehicles.

These weeks include my holiday to Italy. Two car museums, one holiday; only the Beaumonts.

2008-08-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

2008-08-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

Quite possibly the wrong film (definitely the wrong film) but good old Jessops saved my ass yet again.

2008-08-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

2008-08-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, finally ITV have done the decent thing; you can now watch all that ITV 4 gold on their "catch-up" service. The Champions, Dempsey and Makepeace, The Saint and of course 45 and 37* in all their glory!

"Cover Me"

The BBC really ought to catch up and get The Avengers onto the iPlayer.

*45=Doyle 37=Bodie from The Professionals, but you didn't need me to tell you that did you?

I Hate To Say It But...

2008-08-03T02:18:00.000-07:00

Recently in the news there has been lots of supposedly responsible people making ludicrous comments. One of these people was Mrs Iris Robinson who went ranting about ho-mo-sexuals saying gay sex was a sin and an abomination. Unfortunately other people have responded to this madness politely and respectfully confirming that it is ok for people with a proper 'education' to make statements that show how colossally ignorant they are.

On Radio 4 yesterday a group of women were responding to Dame Eileen Atkin's statements about Ladettes, she doesn't like laddish women and thinks that thinks this isn't what Feminism is about. She also said "It really upsets me when silly girls get as drunk and aggressive as boys." The panel on Radio 4 were very dignified and gracefully said that the actress was a bit out of date. This is all very well and polite but it isn't going to help. What they should have done was said what they really meant (or what I wanted them to say): 'How can you possibly be that ignorant to believe that the "Ladettes" that you have encountered are anyway related to the way men in general act. The only way I would ever completely respect your views on these women and men you think they get there behavior from is if every man you had ever encountered had shouted a dozen expletives in your face before beating you half to death then falling at your feet in a puddle of vomit. What you have failed to realise is that the Ladettes you so gleefully lambaste have there own male counterparts who, just like the small proportion of women who are Ladettes, are not all men or all boys. Your dismal view of men shows that you don't really understand feminism either, to my understanding feminism is about equality and that would mean the way you refer to men should be done with the same compassion you talk about women and not with the disdain Hilter would have spoken about the local Rabbi.' And that would teach her for opening her mouth before she thought!

This then got me thinking, we don't put up with shite cars just because they look good so why do we put up with people in places of responsibility who seem to have the facade of knowing what they are doing but are completely useless (the opposite of Boris Johnson.) The BMW 3 series is a brilliant example, for a long time I thought that people who bought them wanted to buy into a 'look' (looking like a knob) and wanted to fit in with the masses but its not. The British public I don't think are that shallow, they could look past the grotesque exterior and bad image because deep down it is a good car. Alfa are struggling to keep there heads above water in England simply because as a nation we can see past that gorgeous exterior and see a car that (it deeply deeply hurts me to say this but...) isn't as good as a BMW. Porsche have been a prime example too, they are one of the most profitable companies in the motor industry because they sell so well, especially in the UK. The Porsche range might be a bit like the Confused.com adverts, all pretty much the same just in a different order and some unfortunately take longer than others, but they are essentially good quality, fast, reliable and fairly reasonably priced.

After that sacrilegious rant you will be pleased to know that BMW and Alfa are going to collaborate in the future to create at least the under pinnings for a small front wheel drive car. This will mean that hopefully we can get the best of both worlds, Alfa looks BMW quality. All we have to hope for is a 3 series that looks like a 159, and that Alfa badge.

Why I Hate.. Nissan Figaro

2008-06-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted for a while I know and I will update you soon. I think I will do a BIG post all about my car when it is done (it will be done by the end of the month, we have set that as our deadline.)

So back to the topic, the Nissan Figaro. Well it wasn't at the top of the list to 'Why I Hate...' but my dear friend Lara and I were driving around when we spotted one. Lara went all high pitched and squealed about how cute it was.

I then said it was 'Shit!'
She said 'Why?'
I said 'Because it is'
'But its cuuuuuuuute'
'Yes but its a Micra in school girl drag!'

'What are you on about?'
'Well, the chassis, engine, susp... I'll write a blog entry about it so read that'
'I'll be the only one, oooooooowww!'
'Twat'

So the conversation went a bit like that, more or less. The Figaro then; a small, Japanese, convertible similar to the Daihatsu Copen and Suzuki Cappuccino. So there it is the first thing wrong with it: it fits into the same catagoery as those. All of them are too small and too slow, they are barely cars. They are the car version of a Mini-Moto: they look similar to a car just smaller and if a full size human was to drive them they would look ludicrus. Have you ever wondered why they are all convertibles? Its so you can actually fit in.

These cars came about when the Japanese wanted to recreate the small European sports car from the '50s to the '80s like the Austin Healey (Frog-eyed) Sprite, Lotus Elan, Fiat X19, Alfa Romeo Giulietta Spider. All of these are brilliant cars even though they weren't very powerful they were light and lots of fun. There was the odd exception obviously and unsurprisingly it came from MG with the Midget. So it is understandable why a manufacturer would want to recreate the good ones. Mazda was successful with its MX5 (I don't want one but lots of other people do and the press does rave about them) but as is the Japanese way they wanted to make them smaller. So small in fact we have this breed of extremely small cars with extremely small engines. The essence of the older cars was that they were light, that is what made them fun but with modern 'necessities' and safety equipment their weedy little engines just about propel these cars forward. I am clearly not the only person who thinks that they had lost their edge, Nissan did too. They thought they could do better by styling there cars like they were from the past. I am all for retro styling even some of the most gaudy ones, the new Mini. The Mini was saved by its quality and performance the Nissan Figaro has no saving graces. No that is a lie, the colours that they were painted are good. So many people recreate and old look with the shape but often paint them with metallic, pearlescent paint and that's wussing out at the last minute. Nissan went the whole hog, actually it went a bit too far. The Figaro is not so much a retro design as a bad, old one stretched over a Micra with an extra dollop cute that came out of the same place as Furbies do.

I think the Figaro is a bit like Sarah Jessica Parker. Girls love it. Boys hate it. Its ugly. Dressed in a stupid outfit. Small. Looks older than it is. Its nose/front looks a little out of proportion. Associated with a fairly dull program (Sex and the City)/manufacturer (Nissan) but with one exciting feisty thing (Kim Cattrall/ GT-R) keeping it from falling into the abyss where you might find Hyundai and Joey.

I don't think I have been anywhere near as offensive about this car as I should be and SJP seems to have come out the worst so far but someone didn't make SJP (unless you believe in God then he gets full blame) so she can be forgiven. She can also be commended for becoming so successful despite her drawbacks. The Nissan Figaro on the other hand wasn't really that successful in any right (unless you count the success of being able to move Vanessa Felts [she owns/owned one] and that is quite an achievement). There is someone to blame for the Nissan Figaro but we shouldn't mock because he must be blind, that is the only excuse.

Fans of the Figaro can click here for a site that you may well find appealing, beware this is evidence that Comic Sans lends itself well to writing about the Figaro.

"Zim Zimma...

2008-04-30T04:56:00.000-07:00

...where your Bimma?" Is a question I am ever so frequently asked. So I thought I would answer it in this blog entry:

It is in the workshop and has been for the last 6 months. That is a very long time and I can assure you it feels longer for me, partly to do with the fact I haven't driven it for so long and my bank balance seems to be on a steady decline since I started this long operation.

I am rebuilding a new engine for it and I am updating the suspension.

In true blog style I have some photos.

My life as I knew it GONE!

2008-04-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

As you may be aware some people in Scotland aren't happy with their pay and so they are going to have/having a strike. These people work in a oil refinery... the only one in Scotland. This is obviously a tad inconvenient but completely fair and understandable.

What I don't seem to be able to understand is the British public's response to this. The oil companies that supply the UK with petrol and diesel told drivers that there was more than enough fuel to last us through this strike as long as we bought fuel in the normal manner and didn't panic buy. So what did people do? Oh yes they did they bought fuel 'til it was coming out of their ears!

Now there is a fuel shortage (which I am sure there would have been even if there wasn't a strike on because if the irrational panic buying). We also have people going to TV and Radio saying things like: "Well I knew we wouldn't have enough fuel to last through this strike, now I can't take my fat lazy kids to school and they might have to get the bus or even...(pause while the speaker almost vomits) walk!" I am not a big fan of public transport or walking but I always took the bus to school and my parents are rational and intelligent people (am I implying that irrational stupid people shouldn't drive? should make there kids take the bus and walk? or not have kids at all?) and I wasn't fat.

All of this is infuriating enough but because of the shortage of fuel the oil companies have an excuse to put the price of fuel up...even more!

So thank you, I now cannot live my life as before because I simply can't afford it.

Race Retro

2008-04-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

These are some of the pictures from Race Retro, as the title suggests. The weather was gorgeous, its clearly only an event for die hard fans. Which obviously I am and is why I am so cool!

Free Range

2008-02-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure you are sitting there with many other windows or tabs open each with things that you want to spend your dollar on. If I know the kind of person that reads this blog (and I think I do despite the numbers probably approaching the millions) each item will be around the £62,895.00 mark. Well fortunately for you I recently got a drive, it might only have been a short blast but it was very much appreciated, in a new Range Rover TDV8 Vogue. Now many of you will be thinking "I've already got one of those, I don't want to waste my valuable time reading what some weedy cretin wrote on the internet telling me what I already know just in a less interesting way than Jeremy Clarkson could" but there may be a handful of you out there who haven't got a Range Rover TDV8 Vogue and are already reading this and cant be bothered to search for a Clarkson review of the new Range Rover TDV8 Vogue so I will tell you what its like.

Very good.

Very very good, actually.

Its a Range Rover so its bound to be good. Its the best luxury car and the second best off road car (do you really need to ask what I think the best one is?) all rolled into one. You could buy any Range Rover of any age and you would have one of the greatest cars ever. The new TDV8 is probably the best of the latest choice of new ones. The supercharged V8 is, although epic, a bit too flashy. The TDV8 does about 20mpg can go pretty much anywhere and all in the lap of luxury.

All this leads me to a question I was asked the other day.
"If you could only have one car and you had too keep that car for the rest of your life what would it be?"
The answer is a Land Rover Range Rover TDV8 Vogue SE. It may not be my most favourite car in the world and if I actually had £62,985.00 to spend on car(s) I would buy a Land Rover Defender and some thing else. But one car to keep forever it has to be a Range Rover. And if you keep it forever you don't have to worry about the worst thing about them, the depreciation.

Take My Breath Away

2008-02-20T11:22:00.000-08:00

This week has a bit of an 80s theme for me (check the old facebook for Fame related antics) so I thought I would give you a kind of 80s post with a couple of cars I have seen recently.

An Alfa Romeo SZ, I actually saw this with my own eyes! I don't know what's going on with the second picture but Priya took it as I chased after it coming out of a motorway serive station off the M40 so it wasn't the most professional. I still can't beleive it, whats even more suprising is that it didn't break-down and nothing fell off in the 2 minutes of me following it.

Then yesterday I saw this little bugger, even more rare than an SZ, an Audi Sport Quattro (swb). I think its a genuine one not just a normal Quattro with a bit of the middle cut out. So two 80s "legends" in one post, especially for you.

Serious Shmerious

2008-02-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

I don't know if its just me being sad but has anyone else noticed the volume of car manufacturers advertising their cars with the concept: Serious fun?

I think this all started with the Renault Laguna, "serious playtime" I believe the slogan was, the advert its self didn't show much playtime but you heard the dulcet tones of a rat packer singing "Fly Me To The Moon".

Then I believe Peugeot was next to have a stab. Their advert showed every other car on the road as a toy and the Peugeot 407 (I think) to be quite normal. I can let Peugeot get away with stealing this idea because if they were trying to advertise the 407, and persisted in actually showing the car in the commercial they would have to have put it next to something slightly ridiculous to try to make it look remotely like a sensible choice. Who would by an ugly, slow, badly made heap of merde unless the only other choice is a wooden car with panel gaps that are of similar size the ones Janet Street-Porter has in her mouth. Strangely enough people still buy Morgans.

Some time around then Ford went ahead with their version, this ad featured huge sofas and stacks of books as buildings. I believe that Renault decided that it was clearly a good sales technique so went for it again with the Modus (the "shopping chute" alone not selling it? i wonder why) they played musical parking spaces this time.

So the last incarnation of this concept is again by Renault who have applied it to the new, distinctly dull Twingo. The new Twingo dances around some test track with playful objects jumping out at it from every angle until finally a boxing glove springs out and punches the Twingo which goes skidding off like a toy car.

Amazingly these adverts are very hard to find, only a few appear on YouTube and Google turns only useless results when I tried to research this topic. Thats why I have been so vague with the slogans, makes and models its all been based on my memories.

What I am starting to worry about though (I say worry...) is that car commercials are one of the largest areas of advertising and they generally start the trends. Ever since the Honda advert where the car parts made a sequence every one from Ribena to Coco Pops can't simply have there product move unless it is propelled to its final destination by 1,780 house hold appliances. What will the concept "serious fun" be applied to: Kitty Litter?

2008-02-08T12:27:00.000-08:00

Saw this ages ago. A Lancia Beta Coupe, I must admit its no Stratos, Monte Carlo or Fulvia but it isn't everyday you see a Lancia.

Is it even cooler knowing the fact that, if you wanted, you could drive it across some African countries?

Also Valentine's Day is coming up and I hate valentines day but I could be persuaded if someone, one of my many admirers, bought me something I actually wanted. So if you were thinking about getting me a little something how about some nice big spot-lights or two of these lovely bucket seats!

Thanks.

Catch Up.

2008-02-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

Well Fiat of Coventry have let me down just as Fiat of Nuneaton did, they simply haven't called me back. How is it that Mini believe I want to buy a £22,000 car but Fiat think it is a preposterous that I would buy an £8,200 car. All this means is that you won't be getting another boring review of a car that everyone has already reviewed for a while.

Also I was fishing through my stuff and found some pictures of my old car.

I am actually glad I don't own it anymore but I dread to think what it looks like now, i hope the people i sold it to haven't painted it pink or turned it into a hideous "Hippy Bug"... eww.

As for the karting, we went back to Sutton Circuit and finally I am starting to become competitive. I set the quickest lap time of the day and came third in my class, for my achievements I won a little medal and a box of chocolate covered brazil nuts. As if I needed anymore of an incentive to try to win, I ate the whole box in the car on the way home. Not only do I love chocolate coated brazil nuts but I did have to stop half way (in a 10 min journey) because of the injuries i incurred, while actually karting, were so painful I could no longer sit down. I thought this was a perfect opportunity to stuff my face. I did think that I would start to get used to it and not get bruises on every lump on sticky-out bone.

2008-01-09T02:19:00.000-08:00

Right it has finally happened, I am now encroaching into the area of test driving! I test drove a Mini Cooper S Clubman. So the following is going to be the first review of (hopefully) many.

As you may know I sometimes drive a Mini Cooper, and you also may know I have been surprisingly impressed with said Mini Cooper. It is in no way a serious car which is one of the main reasons why I/we wanted one, although the other alternatives were a Focus or a Golf so anything would seem exciting in comparison to them. I always thought the Mini was a bit showy for me but the combination of BMW quality and sportiness was not matched by any other car of that size or for that money. Living with one is also easy and it is just as fun as it looks. My only complaint is that it is quite attention seeking but that was a small price to pay for all the fun.

That was then though and now every one has jumped on the band wagon and produce compact, quality, quirky and quick cars that are far more practical than the Mini. And now with new updated looks for the Mini many are far more attractive. So this doesn't leave Mini in a brilliant position. So i thought I would help. I would test my favorite model and try to promote it (that's if its any good.)

I chose the Mini Cooper S Clubman. I believe that it is better looking than the normal Mini, I think the new Mini's bulbous front looks less... errr.... shit with a larger rear end. Some people have said that the back of the Clubman is ugly well i don't know whether you have noticed the back of the normal mini it looks about 3 meters too high off the ground. Also it is more practical, there is in fact a boot in the Clubman and you can fit 5 people in one. Its still not a practical as a Fiat Panda though.

Inside it looks like a Mini, surprisingly, just bigger the speedo is ludicrous but the one I drove had a SatNav, TV and DVD player in the middle so I forgave it. Every thing about it is similar to my Mini just improved. Its just a little bit better, from being able to see the speed on the on board computer so its right in front of your eyes to how you adjust the mirrors. The car comes with some crazy and too complicated gadgets, instead of a key you get some wand type thing so starting the car needs some sort of ritual/dance. Also it has a "Stop/Start" system where the engine stops when you stop at traffic lights and starts again when you set off, imagine how good that is going to be in 10 to 15 years time.

So actually driving the car. Well the steering is unnervingly light at low speeds, I was worried that it was going to be woolly, unresponsive with no feel when I got going. There was no need for me to be worried it was brilliant. Unfortunately you don't get the whine of that supercharger in the new Cooper S that you got in the old one but the noise is nothing to complain about. Cooper S has a turbo charger instead and I was expecting turbo lag, but couldn't really detect any, even in 4th doing 40 at about 2,500 rpm the car gradually accelerated, quickly, with no big jerk when the turbo cut in. It feels almost the same as a normal mini even with the longer wheel base and extra weight so it was still a hoot to drive. Most test drives you read of the Clubman say theres allot of torque steer, they would be almost correct. There is some torque steer but in the 15 minutes I drove the car I had got used to it enough to adapt my dring style to compensate. Over all then a fun, brilliant car with some uneasary gadgets but aren't although all the best gadgets are the least necessary ones.

So would I have one? Yes... if I were a millionaire. After I drove the car we priced one up with pretty much the same spec as my mini and came to a staggering £22,000. I know! That much for a car with the wrong name. Clubmans were the square front minis, the estates were either Travelers or Countryman's. So my overall conclusion on the New Mini Cuntryman, great but so is a Bugatti Veyron, I'd much rather have 2 Fiat Panda 100bhps, The Fiat dealership in Cov has got a really nice brand new one for £8,200 and you still get more equipment on that than you do your £22,000 Traveler.

Speed

2007-12-28T17:48:00.001-08:00

If any of you have been in a car with me in the past 12 months you might have experienced me getting frustrated by certain drivers who insist on driving at 40mph. Not just 40mph but 40mph on country lanes then continue this speed through 30mph limits. Its infuriating enough that some people insist on driving at 40mph in a 60 zone (then braking! no corner is sharp enough for you to loose traction at those speeds (well maybe some but nothing that just letting off the accelerator wouldn't sort out) but then even though they are driving so slowly they do not slow down to 30 in a 30mph zone. So then they find themselves breaking the law with no advantages what-so-ever. These people are the scum of the earth. What's the point of breaking the law when you are already traveling so slowly and holding every one up. I cannot reiterate my frustration with these people in words.

I have three ways of dealing with this problem, unfortunately none of which I have got to work yet. First of all you must find yourself one of these wankers and either bug them so much (preferably in a big car) by getting really close behind them (the are generally moving so slowly you can get really close without it being too dangerous) until they pull over so you can also stop and show your displeasure. The second option is: you could find a road where you can overtake the twat driving at 40 then slow down to 30 just as you get to a village or town. It would be better if you can time the overtaking just before the 30 zone to emphasize the message of your maneuver. My third option is follow them in to the 30 zone then, when they continue to drive at 40mph, then flash your lights, beep your horn and franticly try to get them to pull over. When they do pull along side, lower your passenger window and explain to them that they are driving in a 30 zone.

Now I am not saying that anyone who drives at 40 in a 30 area but speeds up when the speed limit is greater are good people, theses people are just as bad (just a little less frustrating). I drive to Uni every morning and go through 3 villages, a town and a city just as children are going to school and its shocking how many people still speed even though there are small children playing by the side of the road and running down the pavement to the bus. I know this may seem slightly hypocritical from someone who was caught speeding in a 30 limit only 10 months ago but in my defense it was about 9:30 at night and i was on a "dual carrigeway". The people who choose to speed despite there being children on the side of the road should be arrested and charged with attempted murder or how about a new charge: attempted manslaughter.

P.S. While I am on the subject of speed and children what do those signs all about that say "20mph at school times" and give no clue what those times they might be?

School times vary, so what are the school times for this school? And is it ok to go at 30 before school has started and after school has finished when the children are more likely to be near or on the roads? When they are safely in school I must slow down to 20. A 20 mph limit is fine but make it either permanent or be specific.

I would love to say right now that this type of sign is typical of our under-minding, over controlling government and surely we are responsible enough to judge whether or not we need to slow down because there might be a danger of children running into the road but as I have pointed out before people cannot be trusted.

Commie Bastards!

2007-11-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

Yes I am talking about our government, I simply cannot wait will get a little bit of a right wing government.

I am this irritated because I had this post all ready to put up but things changed!

They rejected my petition so therefore I feel I have a right to be offensive. It surely must be against my human rights or something to censor which petitions are actually shown. Anyway I will try again and then I expect you all to put your names down... please.

Its gone!

2007-11-13T01:45:00.000-08:00

£46 we got for what was left of it down the scrap yard, so it only actually cost £4! Not including the fuel it cost to get it but still pretty cheap!

The Ugly

2007-11-01T16:03:00.001-07:00

Hopefully this car will provide me with a bigger engine, some suspension upgrades and some other, well needed, spare parts. I have to keep telling myself this because I can't quite believe I own a car this hideous, I also cant believe that is it at all related to my beautiful 1602, but it is. Its blood good job it was cheap!

Where it Should Be.

2007-10-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

CUKC

2007-10-12T02:13:00.000-07:00

So when I went to my society fair not only was I confronted by the Uni radio and mistaken for a female by religious people, "I don't suppose I can interest you girls in a new testament?", but I also signed up for the karting society. Obviously, what else?

We had our first meeting this wednesday at Whilton Mill. It was the first time I haven't felt out of place in my car. Some of the other members had classic cars to; a Mk2 Escort, Triumph Herald, some Mini's and two Mk1 XR2i Fiestas (I am not sure if they are quite classics but for now they are).

(I am wearing the red helmet.)

So anyway back to the karting, as you can tell from the pictures I wasn't in front. To begin with we had 6 heats each (there were 40 of us) and there were 8 karts in each heat and you got 8 points for a win and 7 for 2nd etc. Unfortunately I didn't win any of the heats (to be fair I never got pole either) but I did manage to crank up enough points to place 10th overall. This got me into the semi-finals on grid place 6. To qualify for the finals you had to finish in 4th and depressingly I missed out and came 5th so that was me finished.

I had an absolutely amazing time but my god did I pay. It's times like that when I wish I was a little fatter and had a bit more padding. My back, hips and knees are bruised to buggery! I would show you pictures but they are so bad they are restricting my flexibility. You know when someone bangs their head they get a big lump because there isn't that much flesh on there head well thats what happens to my back, I have four 2-inch diameter lumps right where my bones have been banging against the brutal plastic of a kart seat.

+

2007-10-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

I am back at school/college/university now so that can only mean one thing for the Blog, me taking pictures of things that no one else finds at all interesting.
This time I endangered myself and other road users and I broke the law. I took a picture while driving all for your entertainment, thats dedication for you.

A Jensen Interceptor, even Vinnie jones couldn't ruin it with that advert he did for the RAC or AA (good adverts, good cars (except the latest with the Chrysler 300C) shame about Vinnie).

Why I Hate Morgans

2007-09-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

As you may know (because if my constant negative references) I hate Morgans. The thing is you may not know why, well I think this confusion has gone on long enough and I have bitten the bullet and decided to write about them, I don't like to spend too much time doing this because it frustrates me, so I hope you all appreciate it.

Lets start with the fact that the design of the car is dated. They have been using the same design now for almost half a century, right down to the technical and fairly important bits. Now you may say "well the Land Rover Defender (which you love so much) uses pretty old technology and has looked the same since 1979" and you'd be right. My response to that is Land Rover have stuck by the policy "if it ain't broke don't fix it" for all this time. The Land Rover is still one of the best off-road vehicles on the market today and they can't make enough, Morgan on the other hand make about 12 cars a year, there must be a real demand for those beauties! Also the Defender serves a purpose, what's the purpose of a Morgan? So people who have a particular affiliation to beige car buy a car that suits them?

So if we look at the design they are still using today on the +4 its been used since the early 60's. That may not seem like much of a surprise to you by looking at it, you also may be thinking it looks like a real classic car, well it fucking did back then as well. The design would be more suited to the early 50's! At the same time this atrocity was starting production the likes of the E-Type Jaguar and Lotus Elan were appearing... in Britain, its not as if its even the bloody Italians were making British cars look dated and ugly.

So lets move on to what goes in to make the car. Its not what you would imagine, the chassis is surprisingly not made from steel, aluminum or any kind of metal for that matter. Its also not made from a complex, technological, fibrous material either, it is though made from that well know fibrous material wood. Yes, wood. You thought the only way wood could creep onto your car would be on the dash, oh no not for Morgan. Of the few people they must employ to make the handful of cars they do how many of them are carpenters? What were they thinking when they decided to start with wood? "Oh well it was alright for Jesus' Dad." Clearly "up to date" for these people means New Testament. It really is a good job there don't make the engines too, steam power would be too much it, you would undoubtedly end up with an Ox.

Expect more "Why I Hate..." in the future. I am going to rant all about Citreon 2CVs, Range Rover Sports, Chrysler 300Cs etc.

My Car!

2007-08-31T13:53:00.000-07:00

Because of my lack of internet, still, I have had to do bulk-blogging so there's lots more new stuff below.

Galeria Ferrari

2007-08-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

Even more new stuff below!

Parking Ticket

2007-08-31T12:54:00.000-07:00

In the past 10 months I have refrained from ranting about my parking ticket. This was because of the embarrassment that might have resulted if I didn't win. After much arguing and threats (from coventry city council) my persistence has prevailed and when it came to the last hurdle (the one where someone who doesn't benefit from my money gets to judge the case), Coventry Council backed out and I got my money back.

These are the photos I took for evidence at the time.

As you can see I was admittedly over the line but in a completely unused and unusable space.

And my cheque, how many of these do you think they send out!

So if you do get a parking ticket, fight it and eventually you might get away with it. now i was obviously right all the way trough and was obviously going to win when some one with an ounce of common sense saw it and obviously coventry council new this too. But you might be able to grind a city council even if you are wrong as long as you don't mind the multiple letters saying they will send bailiffs round your house.

Knobbing Around

2007-08-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

You may remember back in the early days of this blog I put a few videos of some of the best things I found on YouTube to satisfy your need for "car TV" while Top Gear was off-air. Well its taken me all this time to find some more but to tell you the truth I haven't done very well. It seems YouTube is full of supercilious homosexuals telling you that they hate you or what you are wearing (Chris Crocker and William Sledd I blame you). If it is anything that I might find interesting the quality is so poor you can barely tell what it is or people don't edit their videos before uploading them so you get 20 billion 12 second clips or a 10 minute long video containing 10 seconds of anything worth watching. So when I found a user called Bricktop1000 I was pleasantly surprised. This "user" has a wonderful selection of videos of him and his mates knobbing around in Mk1 and Mk2 Escorts, Capris and banger cars. I'm pretty sure what they are doing is illegal and they could quite possibly be pikeys but the clips are much better for it. I'm so glad I found some footage of some people doing something entertaining in cars that aren't Max Powered Corsas and Clios.So here you go I have chosen my favorite for you.

Fahrt

2007-07-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

I am the biggest hypocrite in the world, this may come as a surprise to you but its true. Many of you know how I feel about BMW's. If you don't I will explain. I don't like them. I don't like them despite their wonderful quality, exceptional engineering, sporting history, reliability and (until this new look) their modest yet good looks. My problem with them is the same one I have with Porsches, its their image. I don't like the fact that people buy them as status symbols to show off and they are also the obvious choice. There's no surprise if you have a BMW unlike buying an Alfa or a Saab. The problem is an Alfa or Saab probably aren't as good as a BMW and won't be rear wheel drive so i can see there are some quite good incentives to buy one. So how do you keep the wonderful quality, exceptional engineering, sporting history and good looks without it looking like you trying to be "flash"... well you buy an old one (this also works with porsches). BMW's that are pre '95 are excellent, the ones that still have the horizontal black grills and at least a hint of a shark nose.

So as you have probably guessed by now I am a hypocrite because I have bought a BMW, but an old one. You also might be thinking that that web of pathetic excuses is just a way of making myself feel better. You could be right. Anyway, yes I bought a BMW despite my objections to the newer ones. I have done it properly though, I have bought a proper classic. A 1975 1602 and I couldn't be happier! It's the best. I would have liked a 2002 but couldn't afford the extra cost of one or the higher insurance but i cant get enough i absolutely love it. Yes its old and there isn't any of this modern technology to make things easier but you're forgetting that I love cars so much that any inconvenience to you is just a moment more joy for me. This car will take up most of my spare time and money so don't expect me to do any socializing for the rest of my life (not that anything will change in that respect then).

Re-Birth

2007-07-17T16:09:00.000-07:00

I understand that the title of this post is slightly over the top but this is the biggest deal in my driving life since I passed my test so much so that I have had to take a week before I can even write this i have been so excited. I have the Land Rover back. Oh yes my life is again complete! Some of you might not know but it was vandalized about 3 months ago. Some wanker tried to break into it at Bradgate park, they smashed the window, damaged the top of the door around the window and damaged the rear lock cover. So the door had to go off to the magic world of repairing. This took along time but that meant that the Defender was not being used when Dad got his Discovery chipped that also meant the Defender got "done" too. So when the day came when the door came back can you imagine my excitement. Well must go, got to drive my new err... sporty? Defender.

Shelsley Walsh

2007-06-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

As promised this blog is the Paul Matty meet at Shelsley Walsh, its pretty exciting!

2007-06-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

I saw this nice, tidy Mk1 Cortina t'other day, shame it wasn't a Lotus Cortina.

Its still cool despite it not being a Lotus one, shame that can't be said about the cars that followed it, the Talbot Sunbeam and Vauxhall Carlton.

Tune in next time for Lotus', it was the Paul Matty meet at Shelsley Walsh!

Catch up!

2007-05-21T03:49:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the almost ridiculous amount of time since i last "blogged" but bloody Tiscali clearly are not qualified to call themselves an internet provider. Lots has happened in that time. First things first. More Land Rover problems. To be more specific Dad's Discovery broke down, after now having spent a total of a month in Trinity's hands it finally fixed. This means that every car we have had from them has gone wrong in the first year. Thats not the first year of ownership thats the first year of existence. Fortunately though Trinity haven't destroyed Dad's car. Again you might be wondering what I am on about but when the Range had to go back it took them three attempts to fit a roof liner without damaging something. To continue with the Land Rover theme Dad's old Range Rover needed a name, now we aren't big fans on naming cars but with having to Range Rovers confusion arose. I was going to hold another competition but been as the last one was so abysmal (hold your horses Ross your coming up soon) we came up with it ourselves. Her Majesty. It fits so well, it is a majestic car and so wonderful. I have driven it a couple times and every time I feel like royalty. i know its worth as much as McDonalds Extra Value Meal but the noise of the big V8, the armchair like seats and the vast amounts of brazilian rain-forest in front of you make it feel so special. And so far hasn't gone wrong, so as reliable as a new one.
I saw this, the pictures a bit rubbish but its just as good looking in real life as on paper/internet.

I have had one entry to my competition. Ross Pugh of Braunstone, Leicester sent me his entry. Here it is.

Now if this hasn't got you wanting to compete then I don't know what will. I cant declare Ross the winner because that would only devalue his excellent attempt so he needs someone to compete with.
On the 5th of May Mum, Dad and I went to Gaydon... again. Within moments of being there I saw this.

In the words of the convict Paris Hilton "thats hot!"
We went to Gaydon for the annual Land Rover event. The event was better the last time we went. This time it was dead, there weren't many stands and didn't really see anything that blew me away. Until my new hero Russ Swift took the stage! If you have never heard of Russ Swift he performs car-acrobatics or auto-test. He holds many records for his precision driving and has appeared on Top Gear numerous times. He did his performance; hand brake turning, j turning and wheel spinning around in a new Mini Cooper S and it was very impressive. Russ (we're on first name terms you know) is also very famous for driving his cars on two wheels and he so elegantly did this in his Mini. But because this was a Land Rover show the crowd wanted more. Russ climbed aboard a Defender and attempted to drive it on two wheels as he did the Mini but it was a bit of a half baked attempt (on purpose). To gee every one up a bit he held a bit of an auction for charity and people could bid to ride along with him in the Defender he was going to drive on two wheels. Dad bid, and won and pushed me forward to copilot with Russ in this Land Rover and this is the outcome.

(Mum took the video, she has a habit of holding the camera at obscure angles)
I am (apparently) the first person in the world to passenger in a Land Rover driving on two wheels, on purpose. How good is that. Russ and his wife came and spoke to us as afterwards we were having our picnic and they are extremely nice people and they also gave me a copy of his DVD which is wonderfully called "Swiftly does it!"

Green Laning

2007-04-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

Father has bought himself a bit of a toy. He wanted something he could take off-road and not worry about. Though this doesn’t mean he's going to become one of those hard-core off-roaders who only wears camoflage and unnervingly has a massive penknife on them every waking hour.

He bought himself a Range Rover Classic 3.9 petrol V8 and it is the shit!

For its inauguration we took it down the Meers (local "Unsuitable for Motor vehicle" roads) and found our selves doing some reasonably extreme off-roading (more extreme than what we anticipated) so much so that none of us could take a picture of the angle we had the car at.

Nice dead bug in the middle of t'windscreen.

We even got it a little muddy (check out the Bilstein shocks, how professional).

Sorry for the last couple of posts being about Land Rovers, I will try to diversify. This should be easy soon enough so long as Fiat of Nuneaton can get their finger out and get me in a Panda 100bhp.

GAYdon!

2007-04-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

As a little treat to myself (and some stuff to do with my FMP (Final Major Project)) I took a trip to Gaydon (Warwickshire). I know that is undergoing reconstruction and will be open in May but I thought I would still enjoy a little trip round the site where 3 of the best British car manufactures (Aston Martin, Jaguar and Land Rover) have pretty important offices (not quite the HQ's for all of them). It was lots of fun and I took some pretty boring photos of a not so interesting building but did see lots of Defenders in all kinds of guises.

The only car to look good in gold and...

... look as if it belongs on a victorian beach.

There were lots more Defenders here but I'm pretty sure I was trespassing at this point.

+

2007-03-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

Just goes to prove that the italians can make even an utterly appalling car cool.

This Seasons Top Tip!

2007-03-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

I have a money saving tip for you, if you were thinking that this looks-warm-but-isn't weather means you should go on holiday for some looks-warm-and-is weather then STOP! Next time you go on a drive, chose a car with a sunroof (preferably a small European car e.g. Peugeot 205, Renault 4, 5, Clio, Fiat 500, Panda, Citroen (not a 2CV, that is never acceptable!) BX, AX etc). Then open the previously mentioned sunroof despite the temperature outside. Now here’s the clever bit: turn on the heater in the car! It’s like being in the south of France with warm breeze blowing over your skin! To add to the sensation drive a little more erratically and beep the hooter more than you would usually like they would on the continent. If you need persuading any more, buy a freshly baked baguette and place it on the passenger seat.

This was me on Wednesday (the one with the head out of the sunroof).

Stolen Idea

2007-03-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the future of this blog and thought one day (when the whole world has seen the light and reads my blog regular) I could publish a book, or two. One with the all bad cars in and another with the best ones.
But the other day in Borders I noticed (to my disgust) Quentin Wilson had stolen my idea. Also he has sarcastically called a book of bad cars "Quentin Wilson's Cool Cars". Obviously this statement is an oxymoron and to illustrate the humor behind the title he has used a picture of a Morgan so there is no confusion.

The thought and comic merit that has gone into this book is undeniable, yet it wasn't in the comedy section.

PS If this doesn't make much sense to you, here is Quentin Wilson...

...and this is a Morgan.

-

2007-03-13T15:13:00.000-07:00

Honestly if this you, you should be ashamed!

+

2007-02-27T09:20:00.001-08:00

Check this shit.

My love for 80's/early 90 Mercedes has been completely restored!

P.S.
Your all shit! Not one response to the competition, remember there will be a prize. I'm working on a example for you because you obviously need help.

Competition

2007-02-20T07:32:00.000-08:00

I know this is a little premature been as I have about 5 people read my blog (one of them being my Dad), but I am ill and sat at home bored so I have devised a competition, when I say devised I mean stole. This is a complete rip-off of a competition Carrhart held, go to Carhartt Streetwear for a little inspiration.
What I want you do is to customise a paper model of a car.

Step1
Choose which car you would like to customize. I have found some nets of some nice 80's European cars that I think will lend themselves well to being paper models. Here are your options:

Fiat Panda
Citroen BX
Renault 5
Mercedes W123

These images reduce in quality as the list goes on, this is because I had to screen dump some and edit others. I went to great effort to get you these.

Step2
Use all or any of your artistic talents to make your model the most exciting paper car model anyone has ever laid their eyes on. You can edit it on your computer with Photoshop or even Paint! You could also print it out and work on it old school with pens, pencils and paints and stuff! You could edit it in 3D by sticking stuff on or cutting bits away.

Step3
Take a picture, if your car is a bit shit then take a good picture you might be able to redeem it!

Step4
Send your picture to me via email to willbeaumont88@hotmail.com then comment this post (or any other competition related posts I may do in the future) with your picture in, so the whole world can see your paper car.

I am not putting a time limit on this competition purely for the fact that I may not get many people doing it. So I will have to make it last quite a while for me to get enough responses.

I will also be giving a prize to the winner. I will judge the entries myself and I will email the winner back so I can get details to send them a prize! I don’t know what this prize will be yet; I’m going to wait until I pay my speeding fine so I can actually have a budget.

Good luck!

+/-

2007-02-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

When I initially took this picture I was convinced it was going to be a -, but I've been thinking... if I (a small, skinny, white, middle-class, British, boy) were to drive this Lexus it would perhaps be the opposite to what people would be expecting so would that would make it cool (in a funny ironic way.) but it would only be cool if I did it or people who had similar attributes to me. So if you do not exude all of those elements you probably wont be able to make it look cool, or at least funny.

+

2007-02-07T16:16:00.000-08:00

Small, basic, German car in white and on foreign plates! How could this not be cool!

-

2007-02-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

Mini drivers who think its cool to park next to other Minis, how sad!

+

2007-02-03T16:31:00.000-08:00

I know its out of sequence and I know I shouldn’t really rate my own cars but...

... look at how it shines! I love the winter weather I didn’t even have to chamois it. The leaf on the spare wheel adds a nice touch don’t you think?

+

2007-01-30T16:15:00.000-08:00

Some thing a bit more exotic for you this time! By the way these two cars are only acceptable together, it's a contrast thing you will not look cool in either on their own. Unless you have had the Morris Minor from new (this theory doesn't work with the Porsche, although these are the most acceptable of the new Porsches.)

-

2007-01-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't been out much this weekend so I have decided to look back into some of my unused photos on my computer and pick out a good 'un.

This Daihatsu Charade is made even worse by having the thinnest wheel ever conceived by man attached to it. If I had to drive this vehicle and then more unfortunately got a puncture in it and had only that to put on it to replace it, I think I would have chosen to walk, probably making it to my destination on time but just a little more out of breath. I didn't think anyone's embarrassment level could withstand this but the woman who drives this so called vehicle has a drooped, ginger, afro how attractive!

+

2007-01-27T06:43:00.000-08:00

Again the next positve car I have to put up is an 80's monster, a bit more of a classic though!

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2007-01-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

Just remember some one had to go to the effort of getting to a Hyundai dealership after deciding they liked the Santa Fe. Then when choosing what colour wanted they would do the impossible and make the situation even worse by getting that colour.
Sorry that the picture is a little blurred, I think I might have been shaking in pure disgust.

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2007-01-24T09:43:00.000-08:00

Been as my blog is probably the most boring blog on the Internet I am going to try and "spice things up a bit!"
I am going to take a picture of a car everyday that I think is worth my effort to put on here. Some of the cars will be examples of good cars and others won't. It’ll be a bit like vice's "dos and don’ts" but with an automotive twist! Sounds exciting I know.

So to start things off with a bang, I have for you this beaut!

A Rover 216, probably not the most exotic car but still quite rare these days. Would you have one of these or a Montego?

Mini Adventure/ Long, boring, tedious post.

2007-01-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

I know I promised I would blog more and I haven’t. I am though for filing one of the things I said I would do and that is blog the Beaumont household’s new car (the one that replaces the Audi). So do your best to enjoy this.

We had to first of all decide between us what car we would buy, Dad didn’t want anything too small because he thinks there are dangerous, Mum wanted something slow and economical and Jack and I wanted a Mini. So like Mr Redmond told us in graphics: children have the buying power and we opted for a new Mini.
That was just the start really. Now the price we/Dad settled on meant that any of the minis would be possible but with variations in age and mileage. Fortunately there are only four main derivatives of Mini's; The Mini One (looked like the most promising because of insurance), the Mini One Diesel (although its more economical, slow and a lower insurance group we thankfully didn’t even consider it) the Mini Cooper (our second option) and the Mini Cooper S (initially our first choice but no one would insure me unless it was third party only so that was ruled out.) So we wanted Air Con, and it had to be Black, Silver or British Racing Green. We didn’t want the seats with the swirly "aqua" pattern on or them in red! We made the mistake of not having a black or grey interior in the Audi (it was blue!) and we wont be doing that again. We also didn’t want the faux Lamborghini/Alfa wheels made from holes! So after being quite specific about the car we wanted we tried searching for one on the autotrader. We have used the autotrader enough to like it, most of the second hand cars we have bought have been on there and we may have sold one or two on there too (our buying and selling ratios don’t quite match each other we seem to accumulate cars like most people do dust). So the website seemed good because we could be quite specific but still our search turned up over more than 200 cars. So the long and painful task of selecting a car began.

For three weeks we scoured the pages filtering out and cars with dodgy colours, accessories, wheels, interiors or modifications. Every one that looked promising was either sold or the number was wrong.
We eventually found one that was promising and was reasonably close, Stratford upon Avon (an extremely nice market town). So dad and me went to view the car. When we got there the lady who was selling it (who also turned out to be extremely nice) was selling it for her daughter (the producer of Channel 4 shows such as Wife Swap and Its Me or the Dog). She began to try and sell us this vehicle doing the worse attempt I could ever imagine. She told us all bout her life and ended up revealing that she may have had about (according to my estimations) £3million worth of assets. Then she told us how much a dealer had offered her, £1000 less that her asking price (as usual for dealers far too low but people will pay not to have to do the leg work themselves) a bad move for her, us now knowing she will accept pretty much anything above that. We had decided that the car was right for us so we/Dad entered into negotiations. We decided that splitting the difference between her asking price and the dealer’s offer was about right, to which her response was "whatever!" So we thought we ‘d knock off another £100 off for us. So we settled that there and then dad and me popped to the bank and got a bankers draft sorted the insurance and I drove away in it an hour after the deal had been confirmed! What a bonus!

It was not as clean as me and dad would have expected been as someone was trying to sell it so I spent yesterday giving it a Beaumont clean. And while I was at it I gave the Defender a going over (not half a much effort need been as I was the last one to clean it!) And in true blogger styli I took some photos (mine being shite because of my lack of talent and I was using my phone. But I gave it ago; they’re also a little bit clichéd, sozzard.)

Sorry

2006-12-07T02:20:00.000-08:00

I must apologize for my recent lack of "bloggin'" recently. Not that any of you really care and I'm sure only one person will actually read this. What makes this even worse is that there has been a whole load of car action in my life recently. Last month the Audi went (the reason why I cannot divulge on the internet, again I'm sorry) and so mum and I had to share the Land Rover for a bit until the nice people at the insurance company spoke to Enterprise car rental and they lent us a vehicle. They told us that we would be getting a Corsa, I can't say that I was excited about this but it definitely wasn't a problem. When we arrived there wasn't a Corsa to be seen and we later found out we were getting a Micra! Yes a Micra, not a cool Mk1 no they gave us one of those new ones. It was repulsive and most definitely the worse car I had ever driven even though it was described as "a lovely drive" by the enterprise man. And to make matters worse the little raised lights (which are cringe worthy) are visible form the inside so you cant ignore the fact you are in a Micra.

About a week after we picked the Micra up we got a call form Enterprise. They told us that we they were going to replace the Micra for us. Apparently the Micra, being a 1.4, was far too sporty (what!) for an 18 year old to drive and there insurance didn't cover me properly. So they found us a nice Kia Picanto, a 998cc Kia Picanto! They're right about the Micra being sporty, when it's compared to a 998cc Picanto! It was so.... Korean! I have never sat in place and been surrounded by so much grey, cheap plastic. To get the car to move from a slight incline you needed about 4000 revs. Then to keep it moving your foot had to be permanently welded to the floor. When moving if you reached a corner you had to brake (ruining the week of hard work you just did to get it to 45mph) because the wheels were so thin that there was little if no grip. The amount of tyre touching the road from all four wheels is about the size of a postage stamp. This now has to be the worst car a have driven and I don't imagine that it will fall from that position soon, well I at least hope not.

If in the future you want hire car I wouldn't recommend Enterprise. Not only did they let me drive around for a week when I wasn't insured properly and changed a bad car for the worse car, the rear tyres were under inflated on the Micra when we picked it up and they wouldn't/couldn't do anything about it. So they let me drive away (only to Graham Goode's where I had to get some fuel) on the road, risking some points on my license, to go and get some air for the tyres.

I must apologize again, for the lack on 1st hand pictures but I just didn't want to risk my camera breaking with the sight of two of the most repulsive looking vehicles ever conceived by man.

I should hopefully get back into the swing of blogging and you there should be some good posts about what we replace the Audi with and maybe a road test of the new Fiat Panda 100bhp.

Monday October 16th 2006

2006-10-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty full day on the car front, it started with me taking the Land Rover to college which was nice I do like it sooo much more than the Audi. I saw today an Aston Martin V8 vantage on Far Gosford street today in Cov, clearly the owner is mad because no one in there right mind would park an expensive car in Cov let alone on Far Gosford street (another reason why I take the Audi!). The Aston was also parked outside a music shop which I thought was funny because who wants music when you have an Aston Martin?

This though was nothing compared to later events! On the way to my house Luke had a spot of bother and unfortunately wrote of his vehicle. He is excellent despite rolling his car into a hedge, no injuries what so ever. And you'll be surprised to know it wasn't a speed related accident, just an unfortunate instinctive reaction.
These are the results...

These pictures were clearly taken before it exploded into a ball of flames and me and Luke saved the life of an old woman taking her grand children (whose lives we also saved) out for a walk! True storey!
I then engaged the low range on the 'drover and pulled luke's car out it was an awesome recovery my second so far! Dad then drove it back to our house (just round the corner), it was a little bit worse for wear and the max seed was about 25mph.
When Dad turned up to help me do the recovery and with him brought his new purchase, a shagged 1972 Alfa Romeo GT 1600 junior (for parts and panels for the 2.0 GTV). So the Beaumont household managed to acquire 2 unroadworthy cars in one day, bonus!
Unfortunately I missed Fifth Gear all but Tif in the Gallardo, not that fussed really it was probably the only good bit.

Top Gear Withdrawal Symptoms

2006-10-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

In the depressing months between the Top Gear series Fifth Gear used to keep me happy enough. Not now though, the new layout in some red-neck, greasy spoon cafe (no that's not mean to be café) doesn't help the program and they have hired a new presenter who is the most pointless man ever. His response to Vicky Butler-Henderson's (who was regaining a bit of dignity after her terriblee Top Gear days, until now) question about whether he thought the new Bentley Azure was too much of a footballers car couldn't have been worse in my mind. He went on about how he loved anything that footballers did/wore/owned, this kind of attitude is what has tipped GQ over the edge (now a shite magazine for people who want people to think they are rich), his freedom of speech rights should be taken away, better still his voice box with a blunt implement. Tif is the only good thing about that program, his escapadess in the Williams Renault Clio and new Clio 197 were fantastically entertaining but this still isn't enough to redeem it. As for the other presenters Tom Ford should stick to writing in Top Gear so we don't have to look at him and I couldn't bear to watch all of it so i don't know if Jason Plato is still on it, I hope not after he was so arrogant in the last series.
So what do you do to satisfy your car viewing needs. Get on youtube! Rarely have I been as excited as I was when I found out there were this many car videos on one website. There are videos for any car you can think, of I even found MGB videos, who would want to film one of them? Its even got Tif in the Clios from Monday night on there, this one is great if you can stand the wanker presenter appearing before and after the main bit. Most of the best bits from Top Gear are on there, all of the challenges and tours, so to get your Hammond fix get on those ones (i know watching a video of him won't make him get better more quickly but it sure does make you feel better.)
So you don't have to go trailing through the whole of you tube I have comprised a top 5 best car videos on youtube(in no real order.)

1.

Part of The Hire series BMW commissioned it has fantastic driving, directing and just enough humour to almost make you like Madonna.

2.

Rene Arnoux and Gilles Villeneuve proving that Formula 1 was never as boring as it is now.

3.

Walter Rohl in an Audi Quattro S1 making toe-heeling and left-foot-braking look unbelievably easy.

4.

There are many more top gear videos so I had to chose one, so one with a Lotus and an Apache seemed to make sense.

5.

The Japanese, you gotta love 'em!

P.S.
Saw this on my day off Mercedes 600 (not quite a Pullman though.)

How much do you want one of them!

Das Wälzen Darüber

2006-09-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day my money scheme has come into action, I drove the Audi to college. I will now be doing this every day for the next 9 months because it does 50mpg (46 when I'm driving) where as the Land Rover does 25mpg (20 when im driving).

I love the chance to drive new and different cars (the reason why I went on those test drives, I will blog the next one for you) and this was no exception. I love the hard and bumpy ride you get in the Defender so a wallowing, rolling ride you imagine would be my worst nightmare, well you'd be right and the Audi did live up to its reputation. It also rattles more than the Land Rover does, which I thought was impossible and the fan on the climate control has broken.
So it made me feel sea sick, it was noisy and bloody hot. Other than that though I quite enjoyed it. It wasn't the hideous interior that matches the Ming blue exterior and it definatly wasn't the complete lack of front end grip (wheel spin in your Audi A4 avant is massively embarrassing) I just don't know what it was but i can't wait to use it everyday. The key was pretty fun!
P.S.
Saw this in Brinklow today, check the tyres!

Riva Aquarama

2006-09-16T03:36:00.000-07:00

Saw this shit when in Falmouth.

Yes Falmouth not Monaco like where you'd expect to see a Riva Aquarama though I think the weather gives it away a bit.

New Entry

2006-09-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

My new entry is second from the bottom, I wrote it on holiday but was waiting for some pictures so never posted it that's why its down there but now its up.

INTERSECTION

2006-09-09T04:45:00.000-07:00

New Intersection..

...buy it now enrich your life!

Today was a good day!

2006-09-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

On my way back from dropping my little brother at Broughton Astley skate park I was accosted by this.

At first I thought it might be a kit car or something of that kind of breed so ignored it. I then heard the noise it was making. It was loud and rough not in cheap kit car way but in a 60's race car way. This was something good! The drivers had pulled over and where reading a map so I got all excited when I realized there must be a road rally on. Despite my excitement I continued home only to go past a Ferrari Dino and a Porsche 911. I then decided home was no where near as exciting as this and followed where I thought they were coming form only to go past an Alfa Romeo GTA and from the quick glimpse I got a racing Alfa very similar to one I believe I saw at GoodWood. All of these cars were extremely tidy and the rarity of some made me think that this was a pretty high class event (thought it would be in octane but when I got home and checked, nothing!). So I continued passing classic cars every 2 minutes with drivers clad in race wear and co drivers clutching maps it was excellent.

I got a bit bored so I pulled over, turned round and waited for one to come past so that I could follow it. To my luck it was a Aston martin DB5. I pulled out and followed him.

I think he got a bit pissed off with me and tried to loose me but because I new the roads I stuck to him like glue, the land rover was rolling and squealing round every corner to keep up. Unfortunately the Aston took a wrong turn and had to turn around. I couldn't turn round quick enough to find him again.
I enjoyed then driving round the county following other classic cars (lots of early 911's it was good!) and loosing them because of peoples incompetence and not being aggressive enough at junctions. I had to go home because I was running low on diesel(not so economical when trying to keep up with sports cars even ones of the 60's) but still had a thoroughly good time.
If anyone does know what was going on and where they ended up please do tell me.
Email: broccoli_05@hotmail.co.uk

Roof Rack Laws

2006-09-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

Before me and the elite embarked on our trip to Falmouth we (dad) had to buy a roof rack to fit all of our luggage on and still have space for passengers. He did a good job and bought a flipping good 'un which looks bad ass!

But if you don't own a Defender or a Land Rover (in the original sense of the term) what do you do for more space. You may be thinking "well I could just buy a roof rack like you." Well you can't. Most cars and roof racks just don't go. Roof boxes don't count you wouldn't really have one by choice but may do because.... OK I'm not qualified to answer that (if you do find a reason why buy Thule's Ranger, it looks like a bag style so you don't look too sad). Roof racks can be acceptable on some 4x4s, most modern ones no. Roof racks on small hatchbacks make you look like a failed handy man. They can look good on some classic cars especially if they have a bit of a rally look but the Mazda MX5 has ruined (like many other things, including my life) the little boot racks for convertibles. Obviously if you actually need a roof rack and use it, no matter what vehicle you have, it is reasonably acceptable.
But there is hope if you own any of these cars you can have a roof rack to your hearts content and I actively encourage you to get one.
Alfa Romeo 159, GT and Brera
Audi A4, RS4, A6, All-road, RS6 and TT
BMW 3 series, 5 series and Z4 (M) coupe
Jaguar X-type
Lexus IS
Porsche 911 and Cayman
Saab 9-3 and 9-5
Volvo S40, V50, S60 and V70
Now these cars have to be the newest models or maybe previous one (previous 2 in RS4's case) some cars on the list you shouldn't have at all unless you have a roof rack on it, BMW's and Porsches. If you have an estate/sportwagon/avant/touring/v then you are going to have to admit that your roof rack wont look quite as good and different because more people will have them. Also once you have fitted your roof rack or roof bars adding a ski holder doubles whatever credibility you may have just achieved. Its hard to determine what it is that makes them look good on these cars, it makes them look more like you might go touring round the alps even without the ski bits, they look more purposeful. Even if you never use your roof rack and it just adds 5 or even 10mpg or more on your fuel consumption keep it on*,it probably is no more than your next doors 4X4's economy especially if they've not taken my advice and got a roof rack.
So get down to your local dealer and ask for the accessories catalogue but remember limit your self to the roof rack, black plastic add ons aren't always cool.
*I am taking mine off because it is impractical to make the height of one of the tallest standard cars any higher, I'm a student and cant afford to run a Land Rover let alone one with a roof rack and I'd have to slow down too because it doesn't corner as well as it did.
P.S. I'm very sorry for the lack of pictures to support my point but I've not seen one of the cars listed with roof bars on let alone ski holders. I'm still on the look out though.

Tour de France

2006-08-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

The first installment of what will be the most influential motoring publication of this century... ...pah!

After taking loads of pictures of cars in France I have decided to make a bit of a collection of photos that show my diverse tastes of cars.

Obviously these cars are mostly French but don't expect to see any bloody Citroen 2cv's.

The grand tourer! There isn't a more appropriate vehicle and especially if you want to do Monaco!

White cars are good! Then we hit Monaco!
Strange Delta?
recognize this? Well you should*.

*Its the Turin cathedral from The Italian Job, durrr!