Friday, December 28, 2007


If any of you have been in a car with me in the past 12 months you might have experienced me getting frustrated by certain drivers who insist on driving at 40mph. Not just 40mph but 40mph on country lanes then continue this speed through 30mph limits. Its infuriating enough that some people insist on driving at 40mph in a 60 zone (then braking! no corner is sharp enough for you to loose traction at those speeds (well maybe some but nothing that just letting off the accelerator wouldn't sort out) but then even though they are driving so slowly they do not slow down to 30 in a 30mph zone. So then they find themselves breaking the law with no advantages what-so-ever. These people are the scum of the earth. What's the point of breaking the law when you are already traveling so slowly and holding every one up. I cannot reiterate my frustration with these people in words.

I have three ways of dealing with this problem, unfortunately none of which I have got to work yet. First of all you must find yourself one of these wankers and either bug them so much (preferably in a big car) by getting really close behind them (the are generally moving so slowly you can get really close without it being too dangerous) until they pull over so you can also stop and show your displeasure. The second option is: you could find a road where you can overtake the twat driving at 40 then slow down to 30 just as you get to a village or town. It would be better if you can time the overtaking just before the 30 zone to emphasize the message of your maneuver. My third option is follow them in to the 30 zone then, when they continue to drive at 40mph, then flash your lights, beep your horn and franticly try to get them to pull over. When they do pull along side, lower your passenger window and explain to them that they are driving in a 30 zone.

Now I am not saying that anyone who drives at 40 in a 30 area but speeds up when the speed limit is greater are good people, theses people are just as bad (just a little less frustrating). I drive to Uni every morning and go through 3 villages, a town and a city just as children are going to school and its shocking how many people still speed even though there are small children playing by the side of the road and running down the pavement to the bus. I know this may seem slightly hypocritical from someone who was caught speeding in a 30 limit only 10 months ago but in my defense it was about 9:30 at night and i was on a "dual carrigeway". The people who choose to speed despite there being children on the side of the road should be arrested and charged with attempted murder or how about a new charge: attempted manslaughter.

P.S. While I am on the subject of speed and children what do those signs all about that say "20mph at school times" and give no clue what those times they might be?

School times vary, so what are the school times for this school? And is it ok to go at 30 before school has started and after school has finished when the children are more likely to be near or on the roads? When they are safely in school I must slow down to 20. A 20 mph limit is fine but make it either permanent or be specific.

I would love to say right now that this type of sign is typical of our under-minding, over controlling government and surely we are responsible enough to judge whether or not we need to slow down because there might be a danger of children running into the road but as I have pointed out before people cannot be trusted.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Commie Bastards!

Yes I am talking about our government, I simply cannot wait will get a little bit of a right wing government.

I am this irritated because I had this post all ready to put up but things changed!

They rejected my petition so therefore I feel I have a right to be offensive. It surely must be against my human rights or something to censor which petitions are actually shown. Anyway I will try again and then I expect you all to put your names down... please.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Its gone!

£46 we got for what was left of it down the scrap yard, so it only actually cost £4! Not including the fuel it cost to get it but still pretty cheap!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Ugly

Hopefully this car will provide me with a bigger engine, some suspension upgrades and some other, well needed, spare parts. I have to keep telling myself this because I can't quite believe I own a car this hideous, I also cant believe that is it at all related to my beautiful 1602, but it is. Its blood good job it was cheap!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Friday, October 12, 2007


So when I went to my society fair not only was I confronted by the Uni radio and mistaken for a female by religious people, "I don't suppose I can interest you girls in a new testament?", but I also signed up for the karting society. Obviously, what else?

We had our first meeting this wednesday at Whilton Mill. It was the first time I haven't felt out of place in my car. Some of the other members had classic cars to; a Mk2 Escort, Triumph Herald, some Mini's and two Mk1 XR2i Fiestas (I am not sure if they are quite classics but for now they are).

(I am wearing the red helmet.)

So anyway back to the karting, as you can tell from the pictures I wasn't in front. To begin with we had 6 heats each (there were 40 of us) and there were 8 karts in each heat and you got 8 points for a win and 7 for 2nd etc. Unfortunately I didn't win any of the heats (to be fair I never got pole either) but I did manage to crank up enough points to place 10th overall. This got me into the semi-finals on grid place 6. To qualify for the finals you had to finish in 4th and depressingly I missed out and came 5th so that was me finished.

I had an absolutely amazing time but my god did I pay. It's times like that when I wish I was a little fatter and had a bit more padding. My back, hips and knees are bruised to buggery! I would show you pictures but they are so bad they are restricting my flexibility. You know when someone bangs their head they get a big lump because there isn't that much flesh on there head well thats what happens to my back, I have four 2-inch diameter lumps right where my bones have been banging against the brutal plastic of a kart seat.

Monday, October 01, 2007


I am back at school/college/university now so that can only mean one thing for the Blog, me taking pictures of things that no one else finds at all interesting.
This time I endangered myself and other road users and I broke the law. I took a picture while driving all for your entertainment, thats dedication for you.

A Jensen Interceptor, even Vinnie jones couldn't ruin it with that advert he did for the RAC or AA (good adverts, good cars (except the latest with the Chrysler 300C) shame about Vinnie).

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Why I Hate Morgans

As you may know (because if my constant negative references) I hate Morgans. The thing is you may not know why, well I think this confusion has gone on long enough and I have bitten the bullet and decided to write about them, I don't like to spend too much time doing this because it frustrates me, so I hope you all appreciate it.

Lets start with the fact that the design of the car is dated. They have been using the same design now for almost half a century, right down to the technical and fairly important bits. Now you may say "well the Land Rover Defender (which you love so much) uses pretty old technology and has looked the same since 1979" and you'd be right. My response to that is Land Rover have stuck by the policy "if it ain't broke don't fix it" for all this time. The Land Rover is still one of the best off-road vehicles on the market today and they can't make enough, Morgan on the other hand make about 12 cars a year, there must be a real demand for those beauties! Also the Defender serves a purpose, what's the purpose of a Morgan? So people who have a particular affiliation to beige car buy a car that suits them?

So if we look at the design they are still using today on the +4 its been used since the early 60's. That may not seem like much of a surprise to you by looking at it, you also may be thinking it looks like a real classic car, well it fucking did back then as well. The design would be more suited to the early 50's! At the same time this atrocity was starting production the likes of the E-Type Jaguar and Lotus Elan were appearing... in Britain, its not as if its even the bloody Italians were making British cars look dated and ugly.

So lets move on to what goes in to make the car. Its not what you would imagine, the chassis is surprisingly not made from steel, aluminum or any kind of metal for that matter. Its also not made from a complex, technological, fibrous material either, it is though made from that well know fibrous material wood. Yes, wood. You thought the only way wood could creep onto your car would be on the dash, oh no not for Morgan. Of the few people they must employ to make the handful of cars they do how many of them are carpenters? What were they thinking when they decided to start with wood? "Oh well it was alright for Jesus' Dad." Clearly "up to date" for these people means New Testament. It really is a good job there don't make the engines too, steam power would be too much it, you would undoubtedly end up with an Ox.

Expect more "Why I Hate..." in the future. I am going to rant all about Citreon 2CVs, Range Rover Sports, Chrysler 300Cs etc.

Friday, August 31, 2007

My Car!

Because of my lack of internet, still, I have had to do bulk-blogging so there's lots more new stuff below.

Galeria Ferrari

Even more new stuff below!

Parking Ticket

In the past 10 months I have refrained from ranting about my parking ticket. This was because of the embarrassment that might have resulted if I didn't win. After much arguing and threats (from coventry city council) my persistence has prevailed and when it came to the last hurdle (the one where someone who doesn't benefit from my money gets to judge the case), Coventry Council backed out and I got my money back.

These are the photos I took for evidence at the time.

As you can see I was admittedly over the line but in a completely unused and unusable space.

And my cheque, how many of these do you think they send out!

So if you do get a parking ticket, fight it and eventually you might get away with it. now i was obviously right all the way trough and was obviously going to win when some one with an ounce of common sense saw it and obviously coventry council new this too. But you might be able to grind a city council even if you are wrong as long as you don't mind the multiple letters saying they will send bailiffs round your house.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Knobbing Around

You may remember back in the early days of this blog I put a few videos of some of the best things I found on YouTube to satisfy your need for "car TV" while Top Gear was off-air. Well its taken me all this time to find some more but to tell you the truth I haven't done very well. It seems YouTube is full of supercilious homosexuals telling you that they hate you or what you are wearing (Chris Crocker and William Sledd I blame you). If it is anything that I might find interesting the quality is so poor you can barely tell what it is or people don't edit their videos before uploading them so you get 20 billion 12 second clips or a 10 minute long video containing 10 seconds of anything worth watching. So when I found a user called Bricktop1000 I was pleasantly surprised. This "user" has a wonderful selection of videos of him and his mates knobbing around in Mk1 and Mk2 Escorts, Capris and banger cars. I'm pretty sure what they are doing is illegal and they could quite possibly be pikeys but the clips are much better for it. I'm so glad I found some footage of some people doing something entertaining in cars that aren't Max Powered Corsas and Clios.So here you go I have chosen my favorite for you.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


I am the biggest hypocrite in the world, this may come as a surprise to you but its true. Many of you know how I feel about BMW's. If you don't I will explain. I don't like them. I don't like them despite their wonderful quality, exceptional engineering, sporting history, reliability and (until this new look) their modest yet good looks. My problem with them is the same one I have with Porsches, its their image. I don't like the fact that people buy them as status symbols to show off and they are also the obvious choice. There's no surprise if you have a BMW unlike buying an Alfa or a Saab. The problem is an Alfa or Saab probably aren't as good as a BMW and won't be rear wheel drive so i can see there are some quite good incentives to buy one. So how do you keep the wonderful quality, exceptional engineering, sporting history and good looks without it looking like you trying to be "flash"... well you buy an old one (this also works with porsches). BMW's that are pre '95 are excellent, the ones that still have the horizontal black grills and at least a hint of a shark nose.

So as you have probably guessed by now I am a hypocrite because I have bought a BMW, but an old one. You also might be thinking that that web of pathetic excuses is just a way of making myself feel better. You could be right. Anyway, yes I bought a BMW despite my objections to the newer ones. I have done it properly though, I have bought a proper classic. A 1975 1602 and I couldn't be happier! It's the best. I would have liked a 2002 but couldn't afford the extra cost of one or the higher insurance but i cant get enough i absolutely love it. Yes its old and there isn't any of this modern technology to make things easier but you're forgetting that I love cars so much that any inconvenience to you is just a moment more joy for me. This car will take up most of my spare time and money so don't expect me to do any socializing for the rest of my life (not that anything will change in that respect then).


I understand that the title of this post is slightly over the top but this is the biggest deal in my driving life since I passed my test so much so that I have had to take a week before I can even write this i have been so excited. I have the Land Rover back. Oh yes my life is again complete! Some of you might not know but it was vandalized about 3 months ago. Some wanker tried to break into it at Bradgate park, they smashed the window, damaged the top of the door around the window and damaged the rear lock cover. So the door had to go off to the magic world of repairing. This took along time but that meant that the Defender was not being used when Dad got his Discovery chipped that also meant the Defender got "done" too. So when the day came when the door came back can you imagine my excitement. Well must go, got to drive my new err... sporty? Defender.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Shelsley Walsh

As promised this blog is the Paul Matty meet at Shelsley Walsh, its pretty exciting!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I saw this nice, tidy Mk1 Cortina t'other day, shame it wasn't a Lotus Cortina.

Its still cool despite it not being a Lotus one, shame that can't be said about the cars that followed it, the Talbot Sunbeam and Vauxhall Carlton.

Tune in next time for Lotus', it was the Paul Matty meet at Shelsley Walsh!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Catch up!

Sorry about the almost ridiculous amount of time since i last "blogged" but bloody Tiscali clearly are not qualified to call themselves an internet provider. Lots has happened in that time. First things first. More Land Rover problems. To be more specific Dad's Discovery broke down, after now having spent a total of a month in Trinity's hands it finally fixed. This means that every car we have had from them has gone wrong in the first year. Thats not the first year of ownership thats the first year of existence. Fortunately though Trinity haven't destroyed Dad's car. Again you might be wondering what I am on about but when the Range had to go back it took them three attempts to fit a roof liner without damaging something. To continue with the Land Rover theme Dad's old Range Rover needed a name, now we aren't big fans on naming cars but with having to Range Rovers confusion arose. I was going to hold another competition but been as the last one was so abysmal (hold your horses Ross your coming up soon) we came up with it ourselves. Her Majesty. It fits so well, it is a majestic car and so wonderful. I have driven it a couple times and every time I feel like royalty. i know its worth as much as McDonalds Extra Value Meal but the noise of the big V8, the armchair like seats and the vast amounts of brazilian rain-forest in front of you make it feel so special. And so far hasn't gone wrong, so as reliable as a new one.
I saw this, the pictures a bit rubbish but its just as good looking in real life as on paper/internet.

I have had one entry to my competition. Ross Pugh of Braunstone, Leicester sent me his entry. Here it is.

Now if this hasn't got you wanting to compete then I don't know what will. I cant declare Ross the winner because that would only devalue his excellent attempt so he needs someone to compete with.
On the 5th of May Mum, Dad and I went to Gaydon... again. Within moments of being there I saw this.

In the words of the convict Paris Hilton "thats hot!"
We went to Gaydon for the annual Land Rover event. The event was better the last time we went. This time it was dead, there weren't many stands and didn't really see anything that blew me away. Until my new hero Russ Swift took the stage! If you have never heard of Russ Swift he performs car-acrobatics or auto-test. He holds many records for his precision driving and has appeared on Top Gear numerous times. He did his performance; hand brake turning, j turning and wheel spinning around in a new Mini Cooper S and it was very impressive. Russ (we're on first name terms you know) is also very famous for driving his cars on two wheels and he so elegantly did this in his Mini. But because this was a Land Rover show the crowd wanted more. Russ climbed aboard a Defender and attempted to drive it on two wheels as he did the Mini but it was a bit of a half baked attempt (on purpose). To gee every one up a bit he held a bit of an auction for charity and people could bid to ride along with him in the Defender he was going to drive on two wheels. Dad bid, and won and pushed me forward to copilot with Russ in this Land Rover and this is the outcome.

(Mum took the video, she has a habit of holding the camera at obscure angles)
I am (apparently) the first person in the world to passenger in a Land Rover driving on two wheels, on purpose. How good is that. Russ and his wife came and spoke to us as afterwards we were having our picnic and they are extremely nice people and they also gave me a copy of his DVD which is wonderfully called "Swiftly does it!"

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Green Laning

Father has bought himself a bit of a toy. He wanted something he could take off-road and not worry about. Though this doesn’t mean he's going to become one of those hard-core off-roaders who only wears camoflage and unnervingly has a massive penknife on them every waking hour.

He bought himself a Range Rover Classic 3.9 petrol V8 and it is the shit!

For its inauguration we took it down the Meers (local "Unsuitable for Motor vehicle" roads) and found our selves doing some reasonably extreme off-roading (more extreme than what we anticipated) so much so that none of us could take a picture of the angle we had the car at.

Nice dead bug in the middle of t'windscreen.

We even got it a little muddy (check out the Bilstein shocks, how professional).

Sorry for the last couple of posts being about Land Rovers, I will try to diversify. This should be easy soon enough so long as Fiat of Nuneaton can get their finger out and get me in a Panda 100bhp.