Monday, September 15, 2008

Waiter/Restaurant Manager/Motoring Journalist

I work in the restaurant industry. I am a waiter, I sometimes like to call myself a restaurant manger but I am not really sure how true this is. I like the idea of owning my own restaurant but I don't want to be a waiter or even restaurant manger for the rest of my life. This is not because I think I am above the job it is just that I think I would prefer to be a Graphic Designer so my degree wouldn't be a bit of a waste. Then if that fails I think I would prefer the job of a truck driver/recovery guy, I am not sure really where waiter/restaurant manager/owner of a restaurant would come. Anyway, when I read a review of a bad restaurant by AA Gill in the Sunday Times' Style supplement it makes me think I can do so much better. I probably can't but this would still please me as I prefer Mr Gill when he is being scornful. 

So what would my plans be for a restaurant of my own? (Should there really be a question mark there? (not there, I know there should be one there) I know I am asking a question but it is to myself.) Well the menu would consist of a medley of meats and very little vegetables. Cow, pig, sheep, deer, pigeon, partridge, pheasant, Gordon Ramsay would all be available dead, cooked and ready to eat. There are lots of other plans but the one most relevant to this blog is my valet service. I would chose a person with impeccable taste in cars (I may have to wait until someone can clone me) so that anyone who appears in a Porsche Ceyenne or Chrysler 300c will be ignored and told to (in a partronising police officer way) to "move on." They will then make way for guests in Land Rovers* and Lotus Carltons who will be greeted with open arms and impeccable manners.

If I couldn't be cloned then I would have to come up with a pretty concise list of acceptable cars. It would also have to include modifications to cars which knock them off the list or revive otherwise hideous cars and make them allowable. Or I could just do the job myself. Either way it brings my nicely to a question which I am asked regularly "What car should I buy?" (Just to clarify: I have been asked this question once but I read articles by motoring journalist that say that they are asked this question a lot and been as I like to think of myself as a bit of a motoring journalist I feel I should say it) What cars should I recommend? If I didn't recommend cars and people didn't know what to buy my fictional and completely imaginary restaurant would go the same way that my invention for a sweet flinging attachment to my quad went, down the shitter! With this possible disaster in mind I have come up with a list to aid you all in buying cars that will allow entry to a meal at my restaurant (I don't have a name... yet). 

I have limited my list to only new cars, just so it isn't too huge. I have stuck to price brackets and have limited my suggestion to just one car per section. I have started with a minimum figure of £10,000 not because I am some sort of snob and think cars under £10,000 arent worth having. What I do think though is that you should buy second hand, you can get a much better car than a new one. For example: a second hand Mini is about the same price as a new Fiesta and after living (trying to, in the Fiesta's case) with both I can assure you the Mini is the better option.

£10,000 - £15,000

Fiat Panda 100hp

A Fiat 500 in far less flashy packaging, its quicker and the ride has been compromised because they fit harder racier suspension, ace!

£16,000 - £20,000

Renaultsport Clio 197

The spiritual successor to the Williams Renault Clio. I would go for the Cup version, its the stripped out version and because of that it is cheaper and so doesn't even fit into this price category.

£21,000 - £25,000

Land Rover Defender

For this kind of money I would go for my favourite of the range, the 110 Double Cab Pick-up. The added bonus of this is that you can avoid the SVX (Land Rovers misguided attempt to update the Defender, thank the lord it is "strictly limited edition.")

£25,000 - £35,000

Lotus Elise

I would go for the R model, the reviews said supercharged S model was a bit to... calm.

£36,000 - £45,000

Vauxhall VXR8

It was a toss up between this and the Jaguar XF, this won because you can't get the XF with the V8 unless you start encroaching into Range Rover money and its a bit too dull when compared to a Vauxhall. Well its not just any Vauxhall I suppose.

£46,000 - £60,000

Land Rover Range Rover

It has to be the TDV8, see my review.

£61,000 - £85,000

Aston Martin V8 Vantage

What else? And in Autocar's recent 0 to 100 back to 0 it was qucker than Aston's range topper the DBS by almost 3 seconds.

I have decided to stop there as I couldn't bare the responsibilty of influencing purchases with that kind of money involved, £85,000 though is just fine.

* I mean all cars that carry the Land Rover badge but Range Rover Sport.