Saturday, September 22, 2007

Why I Hate Morgans

As you may know (because if my constant negative references) I hate Morgans. The thing is you may not know why, well I think this confusion has gone on long enough and I have bitten the bullet and decided to write about them, I don't like to spend too much time doing this because it frustrates me, so I hope you all appreciate it.

Lets start with the fact that the design of the car is dated. They have been using the same design now for almost half a century, right down to the technical and fairly important bits. Now you may say "well the Land Rover Defender (which you love so much) uses pretty old technology and has looked the same since 1979" and you'd be right. My response to that is Land Rover have stuck by the policy "if it ain't broke don't fix it" for all this time. The Land Rover is still one of the best off-road vehicles on the market today and they can't make enough, Morgan on the other hand make about 12 cars a year, there must be a real demand for those beauties! Also the Defender serves a purpose, what's the purpose of a Morgan? So people who have a particular affiliation to beige car buy a car that suits them?

So if we look at the design they are still using today on the +4 its been used since the early 60's. That may not seem like much of a surprise to you by looking at it, you also may be thinking it looks like a real classic car, well it fucking did back then as well. The design would be more suited to the early 50's! At the same time this atrocity was starting production the likes of the E-Type Jaguar and Lotus Elan were appearing... in Britain, its not as if its even the bloody Italians were making British cars look dated and ugly.

So lets move on to what goes in to make the car. Its not what you would imagine, the chassis is surprisingly not made from steel, aluminum or any kind of metal for that matter. Its also not made from a complex, technological, fibrous material either, it is though made from that well know fibrous material wood. Yes, wood. You thought the only way wood could creep onto your car would be on the dash, oh no not for Morgan. Of the few people they must employ to make the handful of cars they do how many of them are carpenters? What were they thinking when they decided to start with wood? "Oh well it was alright for Jesus' Dad." Clearly "up to date" for these people means New Testament. It really is a good job there don't make the engines too, steam power would be too much it, you would undoubtedly end up with an Ox.

Expect more "Why I Hate..." in the future. I am going to rant all about Citreon 2CVs, Range Rover Sports, Chrysler 300Cs etc.