"Zim Zimma...

...where your Bimma?" Is a question I am ever so frequently asked. So I thought I would answer it in this blog entry:

It is in the workshop and has been for the last 6 months. That is a very long time and I can assure you it feels longer for me, partly to do with the fact I haven't driven it for so long and my bank balance seems to be on a steady decline since I started this long operation.

I am rebuilding a new engine for it and I am updating the suspension.

In true blog style I have some photos.

My life as I knew it GONE!

As you may be aware some people in Scotland aren't happy with their pay and so they are going to have/having a strike. These people work in a oil refinery... the only one in Scotland. This is obviously a tad inconvenient but completely fair and understandable.

What I don't seem to be able to understand is the British public's response to this. The oil companies that supply the UK with petrol and diesel told drivers that there was more than enough fuel to last us through this strike as long as we bought fuel in the normal manner and didn't panic buy. So what did people do? Oh yes they did they bought fuel 'til it was coming out of their ears!

Now there is a fuel shortage (which I am sure there would have been even if there wasn't a strike on because if the irrational panic buying). We also have people going to TV and Radio saying things like: "Well I knew we wouldn't have enough fuel to last through this strike, now I can't take my fat lazy kids to school and they might have to get the bus or even...(pause while the speaker almost vomits) walk!" I am not a big fan of public transport or walking but I always took the bus to school and my parents are rational and intelligent people (am I implying that irrational stupid people shouldn't drive? should make there kids take the bus and walk? or not have kids at all?) and I wasn't fat.

All of this is infuriating enough but because of the shortage of fuel the oil companies have an excuse to put the price of fuel up...even more!

So thank you, I now cannot live my life as before because I simply can't afford it.

Race Retro

These are some of the pictures from Race Retro, as the title suggests. The weather was gorgeous, its clearly only an event for die hard fans. Which obviously I am and is why I am so cool!

Free Range

I'm pretty sure you are sitting there with many other windows or tabs open each with things that you want to spend your dollar on. If I know the kind of person that reads this blog (and I think I do despite the numbers probably approaching the millions) each item will be around the £62,895.00 mark. Well fortunately for you I recently got a drive, it might only have been a short blast but it was very much appreciated, in a new Range Rover TDV8 Vogue. Now many of you will be thinking "I've already got one of those, I don't want to waste my valuable time reading what some weedy cretin wrote on the internet telling me what I already know just in a less interesting way than Jeremy Clarkson could" but there may be a handful of you out there who haven't got a Range Rover TDV8 Vogue and are already reading this and cant be bothered to search for a Clarkson review of the new Range Rover TDV8 Vogue so I will tell you what its like.



Very good.

Very very good, actually.

Its a Range Rover so its bound to be good. Its the best luxury car and the second best off road car (do you really need to ask what I think the best one is?) all rolled into one. You could buy any Range Rover of any age and you would have one of the greatest cars ever. The new TDV8 is probably the best of the latest choice of new ones. The supercharged V8 is, although epic, a bit too flashy. The TDV8 does about 20mpg can go pretty much anywhere and all in the lap of luxury.

All this leads me to a question I was asked the other day.
"If you could only have one car and you had too keep that car for the rest of your life what would it be?"
The answer is a Land Rover Range Rover TDV8 Vogue SE. It may not be my most favourite car in the world and if I actually had £62,985.00 to spend on car(s) I would buy a Land Rover Defender and some thing else. But one car to keep forever it has to be a Range Rover. And if you keep it forever you don't have to worry about the worst thing about them, the depreciation.

Take My Breath Away

This week has a bit of an 80s theme for me (check the old facebook for Fame related antics) so I thought I would give you a kind of 80s post with a couple of cars I have seen recently.





An Alfa Romeo SZ, I actually saw this with my own eyes! I don't know what's going on with the second picture but Priya took it as I chased after it coming out of a motorway serive station off the M40 so it wasn't the most professional. I still can't beleive it, whats even more suprising is that it didn't break-down and nothing fell off in the 2 minutes of me following it.





Then yesterday I saw this little bugger, even more rare than an SZ, an Audi Sport Quattro (swb). I think its a genuine one not just a normal Quattro with a bit of the middle cut out. So two 80s "legends" in one post, especially for you.

Serious Shmerious

I don't know if its just me being sad but has anyone else noticed the volume of car manufacturers advertising their cars with the concept: Serious fun?

I think this all started with the Renault Laguna, "serious playtime" I believe the slogan was, the advert its self didn't show much playtime but you heard the dulcet tones of a rat packer singing "Fly Me To The Moon".

Then I believe Peugeot was next to have a stab. Their advert showed every other car on the road as a toy and the Peugeot 407 (I think) to be quite normal. I can let Peugeot get away with stealing this idea because if they were trying to advertise the 407, and persisted in actually showing the car in the commercial they would have to have put it next to something slightly ridiculous to try to make it look remotely like a sensible choice. Who would by an ugly, slow, badly made heap of merde unless the only other choice is a wooden car with panel gaps that are of similar size the ones Janet Street-Porter has in her mouth. Strangely enough people still buy Morgans.

Some time around then Ford went ahead with their version, this ad featured huge sofas and stacks of books as buildings. I believe that Renault decided that it was clearly a good sales technique so went for it again with the Modus (the "shopping chute" alone not selling it? i wonder why) they played musical parking spaces this time.

So the last incarnation of this concept is again by Renault who have applied it to the new, distinctly dull Twingo. The new Twingo dances around some test track with playful objects jumping out at it from every angle until finally a boxing glove springs out and punches the Twingo which goes skidding off like a toy car.

Amazingly these adverts are very hard to find, only a few appear on YouTube and Google turns only useless results when I tried to research this topic. Thats why I have been so vague with the slogans, makes and models its all been based on my memories.

What I am starting to worry about though (I say worry...) is that car commercials are one of the largest areas of advertising and they generally start the trends. Ever since the Honda advert where the car parts made a sequence every one from Ribena to Coco Pops can't simply have there product move unless it is propelled to its final destination by 1,780 house hold appliances. What will the concept "serious fun" be applied to: Kitty Litter?

Saw this ages ago. A Lancia Beta Coupe, I must admit its no Stratos, Monte Carlo or Fulvia but it isn't everyday you see a Lancia.



Is it even cooler knowing the fact that, if you wanted, you could drive it across some African countries?

Also Valentine's Day is coming up and I hate valentines day but I could be persuaded if someone, one of my many admirers, bought me something I actually wanted. So if you were thinking about getting me a little something how about some nice big spot-lights or two of these lovely bucket seats!




Thanks.

Catch Up.

Well Fiat of Coventry have let me down just as Fiat of Nuneaton did, they simply haven't called me back. How is it that Mini believe I want to buy a £22,000 car but Fiat think it is a preposterous that I would buy an £8,200 car. All this means is that you won't be getting another boring review of a car that everyone has already reviewed for a while.

Also I was fishing through my stuff and found some pictures of my old car.






I am actually glad I don't own it anymore but I dread to think what it looks like now, i hope the people i sold it to haven't painted it pink or turned it into a hideous "Hippy Bug"... eww.

As for the karting, we went back to Sutton Circuit and finally I am starting to become competitive. I set the quickest lap time of the day and came third in my class, for my achievements I won a little medal and a box of chocolate covered brazil nuts. As if I needed anymore of an incentive to try to win, I ate the whole box in the car on the way home. Not only do I love chocolate coated brazil nuts but I did have to stop half way (in a 10 min journey) because of the injuries i incurred, while actually karting, were so painful I could no longer sit down. I thought this was a perfect opportunity to stuff my face. I did think that I would start to get used to it and not get bruises on every lump on sticky-out bone.

Right it has finally happened, I am now encroaching into the area of test driving! I test drove a Mini Cooper S Clubman. So the following is going to be the first review of (hopefully) many.



As you may know I sometimes drive a Mini Cooper, and you also may know I have been surprisingly impressed with said Mini Cooper. It is in no way a serious car which is one of the main reasons why I/we wanted one, although the other alternatives were a Focus or a Golf so anything would seem exciting in comparison to them. I always thought the Mini was a bit showy for me but the combination of BMW quality and sportiness was not matched by any other car of that size or for that money. Living with one is also easy and it is just as fun as it looks. My only complaint is that it is quite attention seeking but that was a small price to pay for all the fun.

That was then though and now every one has jumped on the band wagon and produce compact, quality, quirky and quick cars that are far more practical than the Mini. And now with new updated looks for the Mini many are far more attractive. So this doesn't leave Mini in a brilliant position. So i thought I would help. I would test my favorite model and try to promote it (that's if its any good.)

I chose the Mini Cooper S Clubman. I believe that it is better looking than the normal Mini, I think the new Mini's bulbous front looks less... errr.... shit with a larger rear end. Some people have said that the back of the Clubman is ugly well i don't know whether you have noticed the back of the normal mini it looks about 3 meters too high off the ground. Also it is more practical, there is in fact a boot in the Clubman and you can fit 5 people in one. Its still not a practical as a Fiat Panda though.

Inside it looks like a Mini, surprisingly, just bigger the speedo is ludicrous but the one I drove had a SatNav, TV and DVD player in the middle so I forgave it. Every thing about it is similar to my Mini just improved. Its just a little bit better, from being able to see the speed on the on board computer so its right in front of your eyes to how you adjust the mirrors. The car comes with some crazy and too complicated gadgets, instead of a key you get some wand type thing so starting the car needs some sort of ritual/dance. Also it has a "Stop/Start" system where the engine stops when you stop at traffic lights and starts again when you set off, imagine how good that is going to be in 10 to 15 years time.

So actually driving the car. Well the steering is unnervingly light at low speeds, I was worried that it was going to be woolly, unresponsive with no feel when I got going. There was no need for me to be worried it was brilliant. Unfortunately you don't get the whine of that supercharger in the new Cooper S that you got in the old one but the noise is nothing to complain about. Cooper S has a turbo charger instead and I was expecting turbo lag, but couldn't really detect any, even in 4th doing 40 at about 2,500 rpm the car gradually accelerated, quickly, with no big jerk when the turbo cut in. It feels almost the same as a normal mini even with the longer wheel base and extra weight so it was still a hoot to drive. Most test drives you read of the Clubman say theres allot of torque steer, they would be almost correct. There is some torque steer but in the 15 minutes I drove the car I had got used to it enough to adapt my dring style to compensate. Over all then a fun, brilliant car with some uneasary gadgets but aren't although all the best gadgets are the least necessary ones.

So would I have one? Yes... if I were a millionaire. After I drove the car we priced one up with pretty much the same spec as my mini and came to a staggering £22,000. I know! That much for a car with the wrong name. Clubmans were the square front minis, the estates were either Travelers or Countryman's. So my overall conclusion on the New Mini Cuntryman, great but so is a Bugatti Veyron, I'd much rather have 2 Fiat Panda 100bhps, The Fiat dealership in Cov has got a really nice brand new one for £8,200 and you still get more equipment on that than you do your £22,000 Traveler.

Speed

If any of you have been in a car with me in the past 12 months you might have experienced me getting frustrated by certain drivers who insist on driving at 40mph. Not just 40mph but 40mph on country lanes then continue this speed through 30mph limits. Its infuriating enough that some people insist on driving at 40mph in a 60 zone (then braking! no corner is sharp enough for you to loose traction at those speeds (well maybe some but nothing that just letting off the accelerator wouldn't sort out) but then even though they are driving so slowly they do not slow down to 30 in a 30mph zone. So then they find themselves breaking the law with no advantages what-so-ever. These people are the scum of the earth. What's the point of breaking the law when you are already traveling so slowly and holding every one up. I cannot reiterate my frustration with these people in words.

I have three ways of dealing with this problem, unfortunately none of which I have got to work yet. First of all you must find yourself one of these wankers and either bug them so much (preferably in a big car) by getting really close behind them (the are generally moving so slowly you can get really close without it being too dangerous) until they pull over so you can also stop and show your displeasure. The second option is: you could find a road where you can overtake the twat driving at 40 then slow down to 30 just as you get to a village or town. It would be better if you can time the overtaking just before the 30 zone to emphasize the message of your maneuver. My third option is follow them in to the 30 zone then, when they continue to drive at 40mph, then flash your lights, beep your horn and franticly try to get them to pull over. When they do pull along side, lower your passenger window and explain to them that they are driving in a 30 zone.

Now I am not saying that anyone who drives at 40 in a 30 area but speeds up when the speed limit is greater are good people, theses people are just as bad (just a little less frustrating). I drive to Uni every morning and go through 3 villages, a town and a city just as children are going to school and its shocking how many people still speed even though there are small children playing by the side of the road and running down the pavement to the bus. I know this may seem slightly hypocritical from someone who was caught speeding in a 30 limit only 10 months ago but in my defense it was about 9:30 at night and i was on a "dual carrigeway". The people who choose to speed despite there being children on the side of the road should be arrested and charged with attempted murder or how about a new charge: attempted manslaughter.


P.S. While I am on the subject of speed and children what do those signs all about that say "20mph at school times" and give no clue what those times they might be?

School times vary, so what are the school times for this school? And is it ok to go at 30 before school has started and after school has finished when the children are more likely to be near or on the roads? When they are safely in school I must slow down to 20. A 20 mph limit is fine but make it either permanent or be specific.

I would love to say right now that this type of sign is typical of our under-minding, over controlling government and surely we are responsible enough to judge whether or not we need to slow down because there might be a danger of children running into the road but as I have pointed out before people cannot be trusted.

Commie Bastards!

Yes I am talking about our government, I simply cannot wait will get a little bit of a right wing government.

I am this irritated because I had this post all ready to put up but things changed!


They rejected my petition so therefore I feel I have a right to be offensive. It surely must be against my human rights or something to censor which petitions are actually shown. Anyway I will try again and then I expect you all to put your names down... please.

Its gone!

£46 we got for what was left of it down the scrap yard, so it only actually cost £4! Not including the fuel it cost to get it but still pretty cheap!

The Ugly

Hopefully this car will provide me with a bigger engine, some suspension upgrades and some other, well needed, spare parts. I have to keep telling myself this because I can't quite believe I own a car this hideous, I also cant believe that is it at all related to my beautiful 1602, but it is. Its blood good job it was cheap!

Where it Should Be.

CUKC

So when I went to my society fair not only was I confronted by the Uni radio and mistaken for a female by religious people, "I don't suppose I can interest you girls in a new testament?", but I also signed up for the karting society. Obviously, what else?

We had our first meeting this wednesday at Whilton Mill. It was the first time I haven't felt out of place in my car. Some of the other members had classic cars to; a Mk2 Escort, Triumph Herald, some Mini's and two Mk1 XR2i Fiestas (I am not sure if they are quite classics but for now they are).




(I am wearing the red helmet.)

So anyway back to the karting, as you can tell from the pictures I wasn't in front. To begin with we had 6 heats each (there were 40 of us) and there were 8 karts in each heat and you got 8 points for a win and 7 for 2nd etc. Unfortunately I didn't win any of the heats (to be fair I never got pole either) but I did manage to crank up enough points to place 10th overall. This got me into the semi-finals on grid place 6. To qualify for the finals you had to finish in 4th and depressingly I missed out and came 5th so that was me finished.

I had an absolutely amazing time but my god did I pay. It's times like that when I wish I was a little fatter and had a bit more padding. My back, hips and knees are bruised to buggery! I would show you pictures but they are so bad they are restricting my flexibility. You know when someone bangs their head they get a big lump because there isn't that much flesh on there head well thats what happens to my back, I have four 2-inch diameter lumps right where my bones have been banging against the brutal plastic of a kart seat.

+

I am back at school/college/university now so that can only mean one thing for the Blog, me taking pictures of things that no one else finds at all interesting.
This time I endangered myself and other road users and I broke the law. I took a picture while driving all for your entertainment, thats dedication for you.

A Jensen Interceptor, even Vinnie jones couldn't ruin it with that advert he did for the RAC or AA (good adverts, good cars (except the latest with the Chrysler 300C) shame about Vinnie).

Why I Hate Morgans

As you may know (because if my constant negative references) I hate Morgans. The thing is you may not know why, well I think this confusion has gone on long enough and I have bitten the bullet and decided to write about them, I don't like to spend too much time doing this because it frustrates me, so I hope you all appreciate it.

Lets start with the fact that the design of the car is dated. They have been using the same design now for almost half a century, right down to the technical and fairly important bits. Now you may say "well the Land Rover Defender (which you love so much) uses pretty old technology and has looked the same since 1979" and you'd be right. My response to that is Land Rover have stuck by the policy "if it ain't broke don't fix it" for all this time. The Land Rover is still one of the best off-road vehicles on the market today and they can't make enough, Morgan on the other hand make about 12 cars a year, there must be a real demand for those beauties! Also the Defender serves a purpose, what's the purpose of a Morgan? So people who have a particular affiliation to beige car buy a car that suits them?

So if we look at the design they are still using today on the +4 its been used since the early 60's. That may not seem like much of a surprise to you by looking at it, you also may be thinking it looks like a real classic car, well it fucking did back then as well. The design would be more suited to the early 50's! At the same time this atrocity was starting production the likes of the E-Type Jaguar and Lotus Elan were appearing... in Britain, its not as if its even the bloody Italians were making British cars look dated and ugly.


So lets move on to what goes in to make the car. Its not what you would imagine, the chassis is surprisingly not made from steel, aluminum or any kind of metal for that matter. Its also not made from a complex, technological, fibrous material either, it is though made from that well know fibrous material wood. Yes, wood. You thought the only way wood could creep onto your car would be on the dash, oh no not for Morgan. Of the few people they must employ to make the handful of cars they do how many of them are carpenters? What were they thinking when they decided to start with wood? "Oh well it was alright for Jesus' Dad." Clearly "up to date" for these people means New Testament. It really is a good job there don't make the engines too, steam power would be too much it, you would undoubtedly end up with an Ox.

Expect more "Why I Hate..." in the future. I am going to rant all about Citreon 2CVs, Range Rover Sports, Chrysler 300Cs etc.

My Car!

Because of my lack of internet, still, I have had to do bulk-blogging so there's lots more new stuff below.

Galeria Ferrari

Even more new stuff below!